{"id":1589,"date":"2026-09-15T14:35:48","date_gmt":"2026-09-15T14:35:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/bbc-sciencefocus\/?p=1589"},"modified":"2026-09-15T14:35:50","modified_gmt":"2026-09-15T14:35:50","slug":"7-subtle-signs-your-marriage-is-heading-for-divorce-according-to-psychologists","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/bbc-sciencefocus\/2026\/09\/15\/7-subtle-signs-your-marriage-is-heading-for-divorce-according-to-psychologists\/","title":{"rendered":"7 subtle signs your marriage is heading for divorce, according to psychologists"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Psychology<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7 subtle signs your marriage is heading for divorce, according to psychologists<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Relationships rarely break down out of the blue<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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By Rosie McCall<\/p>\n\n\n\n

–<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Photo credit: Getty<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve all seen the scene. A person walks in, lays a file down on the table and announces, \u2018I want a divorce\u2019, leaving their partner completely blindsided.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a common media trope, but in reality, such pronouncements rarely come out of the blue. The signs of being unhappy in a relationship are usually there, but they aren\u2019t always as loud or obvious as they are in the movies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It might be a comment here, a snub there \u2013 small moments that are easy to dismiss, but which all add up over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But spotting these signs doesn\u2019t mean you are doomed to join the 33 per cent<\/a> of married or once-married US adults whose first marriage ended in divorce. Recognising your relationship might be in trouble is often the first step towards saving it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here then are seven science-backed clues that could suggest a long-term relationship is heading for the rocks, so you can change course before it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Finding your sex life lacking<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a clich\u00e9 (albeit not entirely unfounded<\/a>) that sex often takes a backseat in long-term relationships. Between work, family and general life admin, it can be difficult to find time for getting in the mood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there is a very good reason to reignite that spark: research<\/a> repeatedly highlights just how important a fulfilling sex life is when it comes to maintaining successful long-term relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSex and intimacy are really important,\u201d says Shannon Hirst, senior research lead at relationship research charity OnePlusOne. \u201cI don\u2019t think that can be called into question. It increases how close a couple feels, it makes you feel more in-sync, it makes you feel more like a team.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Indeed, an active sex life was found to be one of the five most consistent predictors of relationship satisfaction in a recent study<\/a>, based on data from 11,000 couples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it\u2019s a two-way street. \u201cIf you\u2019re satisfied [with your relationship], you\u2019re more likely to have a good sex life. And if you have a good sex life, you\u2019re more likely to be satisfied,\u201d says Hirst.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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An unsatisfying sex life often leads to an unsatisfying relationship. Photo credit: Getty<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it\u2019s not about just doing the deed and then rolling over and going to sleep. Pillow talk and other forms of post-sex intimacy have been linked<\/a> to higher levels of satisfaction, both for your sex life and your relationship as a whole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hirst explains it\u2019s not so much about the amount of sex a couple has \u2013 some will have more, some will have less, and that is absolutely fine \u2013 but the fact that both partners are satisfied with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The good news: there are scientifically backed ways to get your sex life back on track, from scheduling it in<\/a> to exploring new<\/a> and exciting activities with your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Feeling underappreciated<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Feeling overlooked? That could be a problem. Feeling appreciated by your partner is a key predictor of relationship satisfaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research<\/a> found that participants who responded positively to statements like \u2018Our relationship makes my partner very happy\u2019 were more content in their relationships overall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t believe that your partner loves and respects you, it completely erodes all the behaviours that we need to be doing to keep a relationship functioning: you\u2019re not willing to make sacrifices, to forgive, to prioritise the other person,\u201d says Dr Veronica Lamarche, a social psychologist at the University of Essex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBecause why would you if you don\u2019t think this person values and respects you, and is going to support you in the long run?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It’s important to show how much you value your partner, even over small things such as doing the dishes. Photo credit: Getty<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The good news is your partner may be more appreciative than you realise \u2013 a study<\/a> of 205 couples found many of us underestimate how grateful our partner really is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharing the love and showing your appreciation can be just as important, as research<\/a> suggests gratitude plays an essential role in relationship maintenance. It can also help ward against contempt, which is known to be a strong predictor<\/a> of relationship breakdown and divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThinking about gratitude as prevention, not a cure, is a really helpful way of thinking about it,\u201d says Hirst.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Believing in soulmates<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is Cinderella and Prince Charming, or Noah and Allie from The Notebook<\/em>, fairy tales and romcoms are chock-a-block with fated meetings, soul connections and ideas of \u2018the One\u2019. But skip past the happy ending, and a belief in soulmates could actually be holding your relationship back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not that so-called \u2018destiny beliefs\u2019 \u2013 viewing relationships as either meant to be or not \u2013 are inherently bad. It\u2019s more that they can prevent us from putting in the hard grind essential to maintaining a successful relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rather than seeing a challenge as a hurdle to overcome, it becomes a sign things aren\u2019t meant to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019d love to think that love is enough and it\u2019s just not. Relationships take work,\u201d says Hirst. \u201cA good quality relationship is where people are willing to put the work in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Fairytale characters might be able to ride off into the sunset. Real relationships take a bit more effort. Photo credit: Getty<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

A study<\/a> tracking relationship satisfaction in more than 900 couples found that at the beginning of their unions, those with \u2018destiny beliefs\u2019 were happier than those with \u2018growth beliefs\u2019 \u2013 seeing relationships as something cultivated and maintained with effort. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But over the next two years, they experienced a much steeper dip in satisfaction, with a rate of decline almost twice that of those with high growth beliefs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This may come down to the fact that growth-oriented couples tend to invest more into their relationship, from making joint plans to attending couples therapy. In contrast, destiny beliefs have been linked<\/a> to developing coping strategies based on avoiding the problem rather than fixing the root cause that could ultimately undermine a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hirst describes relationships as like a plant. \u201cWe do things with plants, like nurture it, love it, give it the time and the breathing space that it needs to grow. You have to put the work in and show kindness to yourself and your partner. It\u2019s not fun, it\u2019s not cool, but it\u2019s the reality of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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