{"id":716,"date":"2025-12-23T13:22:51","date_gmt":"2025-12-23T13:22:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/bbc-sciencefocus\/?p=716"},"modified":"2025-12-23T13:22:54","modified_gmt":"2025-12-23T13:22:54","slug":"7-science-backed-ways-to-defuse-any-family-argument-this-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/bbc-sciencefocus\/2025\/12\/23\/7-science-backed-ways-to-defuse-any-family-argument-this-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"7 science-backed ways to defuse any family argument this Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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PSYCHOLOGY<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7 science-backed ways to defuse any family argument this Christmas<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

What behavioural science reveals about keeping the peace when tempers flare<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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By KATIE WRIGHT<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo credit: Getty<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

As ubiquitous as turkey, crackers and Christmas pudding, family arguments are a time-honoured tradition in many a household during the festive period.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps you and your siblings start bickering over something trivial \u2013 like whether to watch Home Alone<\/em> or Die Hard<\/em> for the umpteenth time \u2013 or a heated debate erupts at the dinner table when a distant relative weighs in on a hot-button political issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why are these kinds of squabbles so common during what\u2019s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year? Psychology may have the answer. Or at least Dr William Van Gordon, Associate Professor of Contemplative Psychology at the University of Derby, might.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When families reunite after time apart, he says, there can be a form of emotional or role regression: \u201cFormer sibling dynamics can begin to manifest. People might be competing for attention from one sibling or parent, for example, or long-standing disagreements can resurface easily.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, what can you do when a Christmas clash feels inevitable? Whether the disagreement is silly or serious, coming out on top depends less on having the better argument and more on keeping a cool head. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a contentious issue arises, you\u2019ll need to resist the pull of old patterns and deploy a few well-chosen, science-backed debating tactics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are seven research-led techniques to help you prevail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Prime your opponent <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you want to shift someone\u2019s thinking, priming offers a quiet psychological push. Shown repeatedly in social experiments, it works by planting ideas subtly enough to shape attitudes or behaviour without people noticing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This effect was demonstrated in a classic 1979 psychology study<\/a> from New York University. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the experiment, participants were first exposed to words linked to particular traits \u2013 such as \u2018kind\u2019, \u2018generous\u2019 or \u2018considerate\u2019 \u2013 without being told why. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later, they were asked to read a short, deliberately ambiguous description of a person and judge their character.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Priming plants the first ideas in people\u2019s minds \u2013 quietly steering how everything that follows in the conversation is interpreted<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The results were striking. Participants who had been primed with kindness-related words were far more likely to interpret the same neutral behaviours as evidence that the person was kind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those primed with more negative traits interpreted the description more harshly. Nothing about the target person had changed \u2013 only which ideas were most readily available in the reader\u2019s mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The takeaway: starting a conversation with the right words can profoundly shape its course. Psychologists refer to this as priming \u2013 the process of subtly activating certain ideas or attitudes before a discussion even begins, so they influence how everything that follows is interpreted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPriming is a way to frontload a conversation,\u201d says lecturer and author Dr Jenny Grant Rankin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She recommends borrowing the Thanksgiving dinner tradition of everyone saying something they\u2019re grateful for and tweaking it to prime everyone present to be open-minded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAt the onset of a conversation or a gathering, you could go around the table and say, \u2018What was something this year that you changed your mind about?\u2019 to get people in the mindset of change and humility \u2013 to remind them that they don’t know everything,\u201d she says.

\u201cYou can also go around the table and ask everyone to say something they respect about each person.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cheesy it may be, but creating an atmosphere of mutual respect, Grant Rankin explains, makes it far easier to get a point across calmly than to shout it over rising voices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, if your yuletide adversary is more likely to respond to such priming questions with passive-aggressive prods, it\u2019s time to deploy other techniques\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Find common ground<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Even if you vehemently disagree with a sparring partner about whether Brussels sprouts are delicious or disgusting, or what the greatest Christmas song of all time is, trying to find things that you do<\/em> agree on is a clever way to get them round to your way of thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Tali Sharot, Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at University College London, people are far more open to influence when they feel they are broadly aligned with the person they\u2019re talking to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brain scanning studies suggest that when someone senses agreement, they remain mentally engaged. When they sense disagreement, they\u2019re more likely to disengage altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Finding common ground \u2013 even on something trivial \u2013 keeps people mentally engaged and far more open to changing their minds.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s why beginning with even a small point of overlap \u2013 a shared frustration, value or experience \u2013 can keep the other person listening. \u201cOnce you start from common ground, a person can see you as an agreeing partner,\u201d Sharot says. \u201cFrom there, it becomes much easier to move the conversation forward.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharot points to research showing how powerful this can be in practice. In one study aimed at increasing childhood vaccination uptake among hesitant parents, doctors avoided direct confrontation altogether. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNormally, those people come into the doctor’s office and the doctor says, \u2018Look, you’re wrong, this doesn’t cause autism.\u2019 There isn’t much effect because the parent just shuts down,\u201d Sharot explains.

So, rather than telling parents they were wrong, they focused on shared goals \u2013 protecting children from illness and keeping them healthy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By emphasising what both sides agreed on, and sidestepping the areas of conflict, parents\u2019 intentions to vaccinate increased threefold<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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