My first affair was five years into my marriage – when I was 39. When I got married I intended to be faithful. I’d never managed it before, but that was when I was in my 20s and everyone seemed to be playing around, including my girlfriends. I thought I’d sown my wild oats and was ready to settle down – this was a proper commitment.
 But after we had our two children my wife lost interest in sex and I felt as though I was going mad. I’ve got a high sex drive but hers had all but disappeared.
In despair I confided in a friend, and asked whether this was normal and he ruefully replied ‘yes’ and admitted to having affairs. 

It felt as though I was being given a green light. And I opened myself up to possibilities.
My first lover was a woman I worked with in my marketing job. She was married too, but very flirtatious – always making suggestive comments to me. We went away on a work trip and ended up in bed. The relief was immeasurable – my sex life wasn’t finished and I felt alive again. I think that’s what assuaged my guilt, sex is so important to me and it seemed unfair that part of my life should be deemed to be over. I didn’t want to try to guilt my wife into having sex with me and for it to become another chore for her. I wanted to be desired and this other woman made me feel like that.
Our affair fizzled out as it was solely based on sex, but it gave me a taste for it.

Since then, I’ve had more than one affair with a colleague – it’s not uncommon, one in five people have admitted to having a fling with a co-worker.
With one woman we often travelled to meetings on trains. It’s not the most salubrious venue, train toilets aren’t known for their cleanliness – though it’s not something either men or women focus on in the heat of the moment. But the thrill of knowing passengers are nearby is a good one. I’ve never been caught, but the risk is there which makes it more exciting, and I love then going into the meeting and being professional, knowing that just an hour before, we’d been having sex. I’ve also had sex in aeroplanes and even in my car – that was during lockdown, I met my lover at the time on a quiet industrial estate as there was no where else to go. That’s the thing about extra marital sex, it tends to be more adventurous and therefore passionate.
While I enjoy the thrill of possibly being able to be seen, I have no interest in getting caught – I very much want to stay married. Despite everything I love my life, she’s the woman I want to get old with. But I can compartmentalise my relationships and sex can be just that. I see it as no differently to if I wanted to play golf, and she didn’t. She’d have no issue with me going off to play a round with someone else, so why mind about sex if she doesn’t want to do it?

It was my desire not to get caught that made me seek out an extra marital affairs website – my rationale being that they’re married too, so understand my time restrictions and are equally determined not to be found out. And the very fact they’ve signed up shows they want sex as much as I do.
And since then I’ve been with at least 20 women – though if I’m honest I’ve lost count of the total.
I’ve met women of all ages and walks of life and I’ve had sex everywhere from hotels – using websites such as Day Use which allows you to rent them for an afternoon – to my house, cinemas and various parks in and around London where I live. I don’t have a type and sometimes they’re a one off and other times I’ve formed relationships, lasting for months. They’ve all ended amicably – we knew from the outset that the relationship was finite.
But we have a lot of fun in the meantime. With one lover we went to stay in a hotel with a swimming pool. It was in the evening and the outdoor pool was empty, so we slid in and started having sex. It was super exciting because I knew people looking out of their bedroom windows would be able to see us and might wonder what we were up to. But at the same time we could have just been hugging.
 Five years ago I had a very adventurous girlfriend and we did it a few times in the cinema. It wasn’t just a fumble in the back row, but full sex, with her sitting astride me. We’d take the morning off work and go to an early screening, which would usually be empty. Though I remember one very frustrating occasion when a man came and sat a few seats away from us, despite having many other seating options, so we left. And we had to stop going because they installed CCTV in all the screens, which you could see in the foyer! 

I’m sure people will judge me for this but I imagine others who have had affairs have done the same. My wife’s parents live in the north and every month or so she goes to stay with them, and if I completely trust my lover of the time I will invite her there for some nookie – it’s cheaper than a hotel room. My children are in their 20s, so have moved out. I’ve had sex everywhere in my house from the lounge to the marital bed and even in our garden at night. Afterwards I go through the house removing any stray hairs and washing up the wine glasses. I don’t feel guilty, if anything it gives me a thrill when I’m watching a film with my wife, thinking about how I’d been having sex on the same sofa just a few hours before – it livens up a dull evening. I think I’m a model husband in every other way – we have a lot of fun together and what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. And I make sure I’m not caught, I have strict rules about not texting after 6pm or at weekends, I’ll never walk around hand in hand with my lover and I’m lucky in that I genuinely have numerous meetings during the day so my absence can be explained and I don’t meet in the evenings unless my wife is away.
I know many women will be shocked to read my confessions and I’m not particularly proud of a lot of it, but I know for sure that I am not alone, and the fact that there are dating sites with the specific aim of helping people to cheat is proof.