For all their declarations of love and compatibility during their short-lived marriage, there was always one stumbling block when it came to Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck – and that’s when it came to their attitudes to life in the spotlight. While Ben has always been reluctant to live a public-facing life, preferring his work to do the talking, Jen has conversely played out every decision, emotion and life-changing moment in the public eye. And her actions haven’t changed since announcing their divorce last August, taking to Instagram last month to tell her fans that “Self-love don’t cost a thing” on Valentine’s Day – in what many believed to be a thinly-veiled dig at Ben. 

Now, we’re told, the actor is feeling increasingly fed up with Jen’s subtle, shady nods towards him and the demise of their relationship on social media – especially now that he’s spending more time than ever with his first ex-wife, Jennifer Garner. The latter is far more on Ben’s wavelength when it comes to eschewing the limelight, preferring to stay low-key with their three children – Violet, 19, Fin, 16, and Samuel, 13 – in tow and prioritising family time together over life in front of the paps. So, as he and Jennifer continue to get closer (and set tongues wagging with their very friendly interactions on family days out), we’re told Ben is laying down the law with the other Jen he divorced. As far as he’s concerned, their amicable split is contingent on her paring down her attention-seeking antics and mentions of their marriage. The way things are going, that stumbling block may be more of a deal breaker than ever.

“Ben has tried to be understanding – he knows that J.Lo is a public person, so he expects her to eventually have to answer some questions about their relationship,” says an insider close to the former couple, who shocked the world when they reunited in 2021, 17 years after their first engagement ended, and got married in 2022, before splitting for good last year. “He will probably have to do the same down the road, but what he finds irritating is to see her dangling out these social media tidbits that will obviously be analysed and very linked to him. He wishes she would talk to someone privately about the relationship, instead of this sub-communicating with fans. It’s extra frustrating because the post didn’t name him directly. She’s insisting it wasn’t her intention. That doesn’t get her off the hook with him though, he’s very irritated. It really shines a light on why these two were not a good match.”

When the pair formerly known as Bennifer first announced their split in August 2024, it initially seemed as if they were doing so on good terms. Despite having been quietly estranged for months, Jen, 55, dropped in on Ben, 52, to celebrate his birthday, and has since said that, while she doesn’t regret their marriage, she’s now committed to being on her own, telling The Cut in an interview, “I want to prove to myself that I can do that.” Still, she hasn’t shied away from showing her ex what he’s missing on social media, posting very sexy shots and talking about self-love. In private, we’re told, she’s been keen to keep communication open with Ben, reaching out to him in messages and calls. But he, meanwhile, is far from impressed by her nods to being alone, and referencing in interviews how her “whole f**king world exploded” last year amid their split – especially as he is yet to comment on their break-up. So, he’s quietly distancing himself and leaving her calls unanswered. 

“Ben would love to say he’s surprised that Jen’s making these sorts of shady posts and playing up her ‘alone’ status, but he really isn’t,” says our source. “He knows she can’t live without validation. She’s not getting it from him anymore. He’s dialled the time he spends with her way back; he avoids replying to her half the time; and he hardly sees her anymore. He’s been trying to do it gradually and slowly back away, in hopes they can slide into a new dynamic with very limited interaction. He would love to go back to being friends, but that’s something that doesn’t seem all that realistic right now. It’s very obvious that J.Lo still feels very hard done by in all this.”

While Ben’s general apathy and distance from Jen is guaranteed to sting, the fact that he’s – simultaneously – on better terms than ever with his other ex-wife makes their situation even tenser. It’s no secret that Ben has long relied on the mother of his kids for support, regularly stepping out with Jennifer, 52, and their kids for days out and celebrating big events together. He was also believed to have relied heavily on her amid his split from Jen, and has since made it clear that she is the number one Jennifer in his life. The pair spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together as a family last year, and have also been pictured together visiting Violet at college, or picking up Fin and Samuel from school. Then, last week, they sent rumours that they were more than friendly exes into overdrive, after taking their children on a paintball outing – and cuddling up on camera. As the former couple stood in their protective gear, Ben was seen wrapping his arm around his ex-wife’s waist and drawing her in for a hug. Insiders have since said they were simply sharing a laugh and a friendly moment – adding that Jen is still happy with her businessman boyfriend, John Miller, whom she’s been seeing since 2018. Still, their cosy behaviour didn’t escape anyone’s attention, not least Ms Lopez’s. 

We’re told the mum-of-two (who shares 17-year-old twins Emme and Max with her ex-husband Marc Antony) is taking Ben’s actions to heart and reading his silence towards her loud and clear. Whether this will encourage her to stop making veiled digs towards him – or, instead, will make her up her apparent barbed attacks against him – remains to be seen.