Many people would agree that some sexual fantasies should be exactly that – fantasies. Because sometimes when hot and heavy dreams come true, the result can be a nightmare. Be warned, the following stories involve some very explicit scenarios…

One poster on the social media site Reddit told a hilarious tale involving Ben Wa balls, sometimes called Kegel or love balls. She decided to insert the sex toys when out clubbing with her boyfriend “so they’d get me all turned on and then surprise him with my newfound kinkiness when we went home”.

“Thankfully I decided to test-run those suckers beforehand because either I did something wrong, or I have a coochie like a bear trap. They went in just fine, felt pretty nice when I walked around, but I could not get them out. I tried everything – including a plastic spoon and a syringe full of lube. Nada.”

She called a medical hotline for advice, explaining that a very amused nurse fired off suggestions including the alarming “use suction from your vacuum hose!” Nope. Still stuck. It’s now been 10 hours. Finally, the nurse suggested she get her boyfriend over to help, asking, “Does he have long fingers?”

“So yeah I called my boyfriend to come fish sex toys out of my vageen at 2am. But as he’s driving over one of the phone-nurses suggests I sumo-squat and hop down the stairs one at a time. Shockingly, this actually worked!! The horrible balls of embarrassment came plinking out onto my hardwood stairs…just as my boyfriend walks in, and witnesses me crouched in a birthing position, naked from the waist-down, covered in lube, crying, and these glass balls rolling noisily down the stairs into my living room.”

Then there’s this man who was excited to try something that was top of his sex wish list – anal, with disastrous results. “My wife had a blowout during anal. Apparently, she read somewhere to take a few laxatives beforehand to clean out. She did…all over me. She told me later that she felt so clean that when she farted it would whistle.”

Remembering a disastrous experience with a high school girlfriend another Redditor confessed, “I read in a book that sex in the tub filled with milk and honey would enhance the sexual experience. I somehow managed to talk my girlfriend into it. We pool our money together and buy 10 gallons of milk and a squeezy bear-shaped bottle of honey. We also steal some milk cartons from the cafeteria, as well as some [sachets] of honey. It’s D day. Microwaving milk while adding honey was like a 3-hour job. Whenever we poured one jug in, by the time we did another the first one would get cold and honey would settle on the bottom of the tub. We give up and pour everything in and start adding hot water. Well bath is half full and it looks like it’s time to reach sexual enlightenment.”

They climbed in but the mixture was stinky, sticky and cold. They had hurried, unsatisfying sex then desperately try to clean up. “Drain gets clogged, we can’t get the honey off quick enough, my dad is pulling into the driveway and it’s a total disaster. Few weeks later I get a urinary tract infection. She develops yeast infection and a UTI as well. Also, since I spent all my money on supplies that means no lunches and visiting her for the rest of the month. The smell of boiled milk [still] gets me aroused yet my Johnson starts aching.

This one’s a classic fantasy which turned pretty scary, pretty quick: “Rented a hotel room with a hot tub and mirrors on the ceiling,” the poster shared. “Discovered a false ceiling and a camera attached to the mirror, which was a one-way mirror – AFTER the festivities were over. Realized that all the complimentary porn was filmed in a room that was suspiciously identical to the one we were in. Did not call cops because… late 80s.”

One Redditor regaled readers with this side-splitting story. Be warned it’s graphic and definitely Not Safe For Work! “The fantasy in this scenario was having my face sat on”, he begins. “We’re both drunk, she’s sitting on my face. We have a safe word, “oranges”. Everything’s great for a while…I’d just been lifting her off of my face to grab breaths here and there, but I hadn’t been paying attention: her legs were now under my shoulders. Effectively allowing her to pin my face into her crotch.

What he didn’t bargain for was “the length of her orgasm and the velocity of her squirt. Also, the squirt shot straight into my sinuses.” He kept waiting for her to finish but “she just. kept. Going. It doesn’t occur to her that I need to breathe. In reality, we’re maybe 20-25 seconds in when this happens, but in my mind we’re about five minutes in and I’m going to die. Plus, I’m drowning.” Then he remembers the safe word oranges and tries to say it. But there’s loud music playing and, “You need air to say stuff.”

So, “after mumbling, then saying, then shouting, ‘oranges’ into a woman’s vagina a few times, panic starts to set in. I’d now actually hit the part where you freak out while underwater in the pool. In a last-ditch effort, I planted my feet on the bed, put my hands against the headboard and pushed myself out from under her vagina. After a wheezing/coughing fit, I blew female ejaculate out of my nose, and she erupted into laughter. After that, we came up with an ‘I need air’ Morse code signal. Yes, if I had to choose how to die, this would still be how.”

We’ll leave you with this one: “Two hot sisters at the same time. I got both of them pregnant. Best night of my life followed by the craziest six years since.”