Fun bags. Puppies. Baps. Hooters. Chesticles. Melons. The Girls. Knockers. Bazongas. Jugs. The nicknames for breasts are endless, funny and fond because there’s a lot of affection for boobs. And as their primary purpose is to feed our offspring, there’s a biological reason why breasts have magnetic power. But let’s forget the science bit for now and celebrate all that’s weird and wonderful about the bosom…

Breast sex ever
Squidging boobs during sex is a thumbs up for the squidger. But it’s also a big win for the squidgee because it’s believed that up to one in three women can climax by breast stimulation alone. This is officially called a ‘nipple orgasm’ for obvious reasons. Nipples and areola, the dark area around them, are a major erogenous zone. But while some boob owners might love a tug, pull or a suck on their nips, others prefer a gentle caress or a lick. So communication is key.

Boobs feature in many a bedroom move. There’s mammary intercourse or breast sex, putting a penis or dildo between the boobs for what is crudely referred to as a tit wank.  Pet play describes being, well, milked like a cow. Vibrating nipple clamps adds some extra sizzling stimulation. And let’s not forget about motor boating – when one partner shakes their face between the breasts, making a comedy noise.

Celebrity inflation…and deflation
Where do we start with showbiz breast hoiks? Celebs who’ve opted for implants include Cardi B and Mel B. Kris, Kylie, and Kourtney K.  Plus every other star from Love Island, Geordie Shore and Real Housewives and – lest we forget – the OG of pneumatic boobage, Dolly Parton, who had her first op in 1967. And these women are just the tip (or nip) of the iceberg.

Lily Allen turned 40 this month and proudly showed off her new implants on Instagram with the caption, ‘Happy Birthday to me’. She said, “They look really incredible when I take my top off and my bra off, but there is definitely a contrast in age to my face! It’s really fun, I’m buying fancy lingerie that my boobs can fit in.”

For Brits, the name Katie Price is synonymous with boob jobs.  The ex-glamour model’s had 17 procedures since she was 20 and known as Jordan. In 1998 she went from B to C cup despite Page 3 enthusiasts voting against it in a newspaper poll (they wanted her to stay natural but The Pricey did it anyway). The following year she graduated to a D, then soared to an F. In 2008 the mum-of-five had her implants whipped out and listed them on Ebay for £1m. But just three years she was back in F-cup bras. Then after declaring she’d boast the ‘Biggest boobs in Britain’ in 2022 with GG bags inserted…she had them reduced again in 2024.

Ultimate blonde bombshell Pamela Anderson achieved global fame on Baywatch in the 1990s.  But it was her boobs that got all the attention in the many slo mo running-on-the-beach sequences. Pammy, now 57, had her breasts enlarged aged 19 but in 1999 she underwent a reduction saying, ‘It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time and I’m very happy with my decision.’

And she’s not the only one who had regrets… and reversals. Victoria Beckham had a boob job when she was Posh Spice – but kept it on the down low. In 2011 the 51-year-old told Vogue, ‘torpedo bazookas…gone’  and in 2014 said, “I don’t have them anymore… I think I may have purchased them. Or they got removed, one or the other.”

Heidi Montag, 38, who famously had 10 plastic surgeries in one day in 2010, downsized from a size F to a D three years later, admitting she was ‘beyond obsessed’ with achieving perfection but didn’t understand the ‘emotional and physical repercussions’. Ashley Tisdale – that’s Sharpay from High School Musical to you – was worried her implants were causing health issues. She had them removed at 2020 when she was 34, saying, “This journey has been one of growth, self-discovery, self-acceptance and most importantly self-love,” she continued. “I think you can tell just how happy I am to finally be fully me.”

Shapes, sizes and multiples
Most boobs are asymmetric, that’s to say one is often bigger than the other. But did you know statistically it tends to be the left boob that’s the biggest? This might be because it’s slightly nearer to the heart so receives more blood. Asymmetry can be down to genetics, hormones, pregnancy or breastfeeding, weight loss or gain, as well as breast cancer treatment and injury. Some women choose to have surgery to even out their breasts.

Biggest natural boobs in the world award goes to Annie Hawkins Taylor from Atlanta Georgia – at 102ZZZ. Each boob weighs 85lbs, which is the equivalent of 16 house bricks or a newborn rhinoceros. Biggest fake boobs in the world award goes to 42-year-old German model Mayra Hills. Implants are measured in cubic centimetres (cc), and Mayra’s are 10,000cc, compared to roughly 400cc for a D cup.

Which country boasts the largest bosoms? According to a survey this January, it’s Norway, average size between a C and a D. Coming in a close second is America, UK, Iceland and Luxembourg, with a C cup.  At the smallest end of the scale, Bangladesh, Indonesia and Kenya average A and AA cups. Boob size is influenced by genetics, nutrition, weight, fitness and age.

Some women are born with three boobs, referred to as accessory or supernumerary breasts. Others only develop one breast, called Poland Syndrome. Both can be distressing, and removals or implants are an option. Remember when reality TV star Charlotte Crosby decried her ‘uniboob’ on Celebrity Big Brother in 2013? The proper name is symmastia, a rare condition that means having no separation or cleavage. She had corrective surgery in 2017.

So that’s the low down on breasts, folks. We’ll leave you with the top comment on Reddit when men were asked what they loved about them: ‘Life is cold and hard, boobs are soft and warm’.