Dancing the chocolate cha-cha, riding the Hershey highway, driving up the dirt trail or taking it up the wrong ‘un. All fabulously worded code for a simple sex act that has gone stratospheric over the past few years. Anal sex.
What was once seen as something only enjoyed by the gay community, extreme thrill-seekers – or just very drunk people – is now more popular than ever. Statistics show that over a third of straight women have received it, with straight men a few percentage points more likely to have slipped in through someone’s ‘back door’.
Interestingly, queer men are about as likely to have tried it as straight men according to one study where less than 40% said they’d had anal with their most recent sex partner. Meanwhile, sisters are doing it for themselves, too. One in ten women say they’ve tried pegging (that’s wearing a strap-on to be in the, er, driving seat). And apparently, 24% of straight men have ‘inserted an object’ into their butt – though they’d no doubt say they ‘fell on it by accident, honestly!’
But one thing is certain, bum fun – once seen as a taboo sex act – is on the rise. The reason for that is hard to pinpoint, though porn use (has anyone yet been able to find a porn scene where something DOESN’T disappear up someone’s pooper?) is a likely cause.
Another reason for the increase is the fact that, well, for many people it just feels really good. Our buttholes are packed with nerve endings all desperately hoping to twitch us into a state of bliss. And for men on the receiving end, there’s the bonus of an internal prostate gland massage, aka the mythical male G-spot.
Another reason – though since the advent of the Pill it’s not exactly necessary – is the birth control aspect, or, as one eloquent soul put it on a Reddit thread, ‘My favourite part is that he can squirt with no fear of making more babies’. Nice.
And for everyone involved, there is of course the sense of doing something forbidden and a bit naughty, taking sex from the vanilla to the thriller!
And if that doesn’t convince you, take this fine review from one very fulfilled lady who wrote on Reddit about the ‘ultimate’ turn on, ‘My favourite part about anal sex is just that “full” feeling. And it just feels good! There are so many nerve endings in the anus. Not as many as the clitoris but more than the penis head actually! There are also many different emotions linked with anal sex. Like I feel so dirty and slutty, just a turn on!’

Ok, so far so good. Sounds too good to be true, huh? And that’s probably because it is. You see, when the human body was developed, there just wasn’t a plan for our ‘exit’ to become a welcoming entrance. Hence a lack of things like natural lubrication.
And then there’s the big question of – brace yourselves because we have to talk about this – poo. Another female reviewer on Reddit focuses hard on this nitty gritty. ‘We had anal sex with lube. Went great until for maybe ten minutes and then he started to really go at it… Asked him to pull out because it stopped feeling good and embarrassingly there was some poop on his d**k and on my bum, even though I had gone to the bathroom an hour before. Worse was to come. Got really bad cramps that felt like food poisoning and had bad bad diarrhoea’.
If that wasn’t bad enough, a recent health report from two leading surgeons revealed that some women are suffering serious health issues and a rise in ‘faecal incontinence’ due to anal sex because, ‘they have less robust anal sphincters and lower anal canal pressures than men, and damage caused by anal penetration is therefore more consequential’. Yikes!

So, before you dive in, it seems some preparation and careful consideration is needed. Be warned, if you don’t follow these Dos & Don’ts – prepare for Poos & Moans!

DO: Evacuate your bowels (no-one said this was going to be romantic!) before even thinking about getting jiggy back there and thoroughly wash the area beforehand. For those who really want to go as clean as possible it’s worth checking out enema bulbs – like a mini-colonic – to flush out any remaining bits of sweetcorn from last night’s BBQ.
DON’T: Absolutely no rushing things. This isn’t a porn movie – spitting on it and going straight in like a hammer action drill is not going to take anyone to pleasureville. Take it veerrrry slowly. Use lots of lube and lots of foreplay involving fingers, small toys (no, we’re not talking Lego!) and maybe butt plugs in graduated sizes. It might take several attempts before you feel relaxed enough to take anything up your jacksie.
DO: Use a condom. Anal sex presents a far higher risk of STD transmission due to the fact that small tears in the rectum are more likely. Remember, your rectum was really intended for one or two ‘outs’ a day, not 500 ‘ins and outs’ within 15 sweaty minutes!
DON’T: Never forget that the receiver is always in charge. They get to decide how fast, how deep and how long you go before a well-earned rest. They even get to choose what to watch on Netflix or listen to on Spotify while their insides are being given a workout. 

And there it is. The definitive guide to anal. We’ll leave you with these final wise words from a backdoor guru, who wrote, ‘You just don’t jump to anal sex. That’s a part of the body that needs to be learned slowly. We normally can only do two things voluntarily with it, push and tighten. The involuntary reaction is to tighten or “I have to go” if something is up there. You need time to learn how to relax and stay relaxed’. 

Andrew Hartley
IMAGES: Getty