[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-post-title” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”|600|||||||” header_text_align=”center” header_text_color=”#dd1881″ header_font_size=”44px” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
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Closer\u2019s Mel Fallowfield freely admits she was judgemental when she was asked to join a website solely for cheating spouses, but how did she feel after exploring one herself?<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/GettyImages-200328182-001.jpg” title_text=”Couple in doorway, man putting ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on door handle” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
In the UK 20% of people have affairs<\/p>\n
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When my editor asked me to join an extra marital affairs website for an article I was astonished \u2013 I had no idea such websites existed, or how popular they are. I\u2019m not completely na\u00efve, I\u2019d always known cheating happens in marriages \u2013 20% of married people have affairs in the UK – but I always thought it was circumstantial. That you happened to meet someone through work or socially that turned your head. Or you got drunk and had a one-night stand. It seemed very heartless to set out to cheat.
At the time I\u2019d been married for six years and though I freely admit to being exasperated by my husband \u2013 we had two young children and I was severely sleep deprived \u2013 it would never have occurred to me to actively seek excitement elsewhere.
The set up is much like any other dating website, you have a profile with pictures and must state what you\u2019re looking for. I rattled off my profile, implying I was the most fun woman around \u2013 with a love for cocktails and sex. Within minutes my inbox was pinging with potential suitors. There were so many I probably only read a quarter of them before I got the gist \u2013 they were all absurdly flattering and desperate to meet immediately.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/GettyImages-931804786.jpg” title_text=”Man on his phone in bed next to sleeping partner” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
The website advises against affairs lasting longer than three months<\/p>\n
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I decided to meet three men, to find out why they were so determined to get their kicks outside of the marital bed. I met them all in one day and tried to put my judgemental feelings to one side and go in with an open mind.
I thought there would be a \u2018type\u2019 of man who cheated, not quite an A for adulterer tattooed on their forehead, but they\u2019d be an ageing lothario with an expression similar to the sly self- satisfaction of Bill Clinton. They\u2019d have been married for years and grown bored of their life.
But the reality was different.
First up was a man in his 30s who I met in a pub in Soho. Overwhelmingly he was ordinary \u2013 a seemingly good bloke, the kind that would still take his mum out for a regular Sunday lunch. He was incredibly polite, worked in sales and was relatively entertaining. He admitted that he had young children and he was bored with the lack of attention he got from his wife of three years. My sympathy for him was limited \u2013 perhaps it was too close to home, I suspected my husband had similar complaints, though I don\u2019t for a moment think he\u2019d have joined the website.
I felt sorry for his wife more than anything \u2013 surely he could make an effort to take on some of the mental load she was inevitably carrying, and make her feel more loved and cherished. He admitted to having two affairs before, both lasting for three months \u2013 which is advised by the website, as if you continue for any longer you risk emotions getting involved. He didn\u2019t do much to change my mind that ultimately some men just want no-strings sex with someone new, rather than trying to sort out their marriages.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/GettyImages-589009952.jpg” title_text=”Man Removing Wedding Ring” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
One man boasted of multiple affairs<\/p>\n
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But my next meeting was a revelation \u2013 we had lunch together in a restaurant in the centre of London. He was a kind man, in his 60s, a successful lawyer and nearing retirement. He was panicking that life was passing him by without experiencing any affection or love from his wife for decades. He didn\u2019t want to split up the family home, he had children at university and didn\u2019t want to destroy their notion that their parents had a happy marriage. And he still loved his wife, he spoke about her with huge respect and fondness.
I told him early on that he wasn\u2019t my type and I wasn\u2019t interested in an affair with him, so he had no reason to spin me a yarn. He seemed sweetly grateful that I\u2019d listen to his woes \u2013 he had no one he could confide in about the past 10 years being completely empty of any sort of intimacy. He felt that the only reason his wife wanted him was to sustain her lifestyle. \u00a0
I don\u2019t think I was na\u00efve in believing him, it felt true. And I had a lot of sympathy for his plight \u2013 what was the answer?
I didn\u2019t keep in touch but I suspect he might have broken the three month rule if he\u2019d met someone, it struck me that he wanted a relationship and to feel a connection, not just sex in a hotel room. And if I\u2019m honest I hope he got it.\u00a0<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/04\/GettyImages-91498311.jpg” title_text=”Close up of couple about to kiss” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”3px|8px|3px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” min_height=”28.8px” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Mel was shocked at what she discovered<\/p>\n
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The third man was closest to my initial imaginings. He was in his 50s, successful, worked in finance and have been married for 20 years. His wife lived in a house in the country, while he spent his weekdays in a London flat. He not only wanted to have his cake and eat it, but also admire the cherry on top! \u00a0He wasn\u2019t particularly handsome but I could imagine that some women would be taken in by his charm and flattery.
He left me cold though, once again I told him he wasn\u2019t for me and knowing there was no point in impressing me he came clean about his adventures. He boasted that he\u2019d slept with more women since he\u2019d got married than before, and met women via the website. He consistently said he adored his wife and they still had an active sex life \u2013 I\u2019m not sure whether he was trying to convince me or himself. He admitted he\u2019d never cheat with a single woman as he\u2019d never leave his wife and that\u2019s what single women would eventually demand. He boasted of sex in pub loos and nights in five-star hotels \u2013 despite having a London flat he didn\u2019t want women to know where he lived. He kept saying it wouldn\u2019t hurt his wife, she\u2019d never know and he never got emotionally involved \u2013 it was just sex. His callousness was breathtaking.<\/p>\n
Within hours of meeting all three men had messaged me asking to see me again \u2013 clearly hoping I\u2019d changed my mind about them not being my type. Obviously I hadn\u2019t!
So what did I come away with? I was astonished how easy it would be to play around if you were that way inclined and how many people were out there determined to cheat. I could have met three men a day for weeks if I\u2019d wanted to. And equally I was surprised by how \u2018normal\u2019 they were \u2013 they were all men I\u2019d have come across in every-day life so it made me wonder how many of my friends cheat. I suspect I don\u2019t want to know the answer. And of course it isn\u2019t just men that we can label as lotharios, the people they are cheating with are married women.
But perhaps my biggest surprise was that though I judged dates one and three \u2013 I didn\u2019t number two. I felt sorry for him and that he deserved some love and affection. I understood why he didn\u2019t want to blow up his life \u2013 but felt the need for intimacy. Was his cheating worse than his wife\u2019s refusal to go for counselling and try to revive their marriage? Is divorce always the only answer in those circumstances? The experience left me with more questions than answers.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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PHOTOS: GETTY<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ module_class=”flatplan-readmore” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#111111″ custom_padding=”35px||35px||true|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” custom_margin=”||||false|false” custom_padding=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_3_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_4,3_4″ module_class=”read-more-item” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” 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herself?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":2692,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-real-life"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"closermag","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2686","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2686"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2686\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2696,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2686\/revisions\/2696"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2692"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Read 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