[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-post-title” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”|600|||||||” header_text_align=”center” header_text_color=”#dd1881″ header_font_size=”44px” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
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To the outside world 52-year-old Sarah Jones* lives a charmed life \u2013 but her secret obsessive habit means she\u2019s rarely at peace\u2026.<\/p>\n
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[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/Baby_Reindeer_n_S1_E1_00_12_19_09.pngBaby_Reindeer_n_S1_E1_00_12_19_09_preview-e1716218127504.jpg” title_text=”Baby_Reindeer_n_S1_E1_00_12_19_09.png,Baby_Reindeer_n_S1_E1_00_12_19_09_preview” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Netflix’s Baby Reindeer tells the story of Martha’s obsession with comedian Donny Dunn<\/p>\n
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When I watched Baby Reindeer I felt huge compassion for Martha. In the Netflix series she became obsessed with the barman who treated her kindly and gave her a cup of tea on their first meeting. She sent him an avalanche of emails, texts and stalked him in person too.
The veracity of the events have since been called into question but the series highlighted the toll stalking can take and the fact that although four out of five stalkers are male \u2013 women do it too.
But then I already knew that \u2013 because I\u2019ve stalked three men in the past decade, obsessively. To the extent I once bought a dog, so I could have an excuse to turn up at my ex\u2019s local park where he walked his dog \u00a0\u2013 I don\u2019t even like dogs.
No one except my victims would have a clue about my secret life \u2013 ostensibly I have the \u2018perfect\u2019 life – a job in property development, a husband, who\u2019s completely in the dark, and two grown up daughters.<\/p>\n
I think my stalking is partly down to an unhappy childhood. My parents argued constantly when I was younger and then my father disappeared to work abroad for months at a time when I was five. I also have an addictive personality \u2013 I\u2019ll become obsessed with hobbies, for example, I\u2019ll live and breathe running for months and then drop it.
Even some of my earliest relationships were unhealthy \u2013 while many teenagers have intense friendships mine were obsessive. \u00a0I had a best friend when I was 13 and I wanted to be with her every second of the day. I\u2019d wait outside her house so we could walk to school together, I chose the same GCSEs as her so we could do every lesson together. I copied what she wore, I was jealous if she became friendly with anyone else. When she understandably distanced herself from me when we were 15, I was devastated.
It lasted until I found a new best friend and then the pattern repeated. Now I have a group of girlfriends from work and school mums, but I make sure I don\u2019t get too close as I can\u2019t risk becoming obsessive and outing myself.\u00a0<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/GettyImages-554598871.jpg” title_text=”Female hands gripping man’s back, close up” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
At first Sarah stalked women<\/p>\n
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I didn\u2019t start to stalk men until I was in my 40s. I had a few boyfriends who I ended up dumping and then I met my husband in my early 20s \u2013 who\u2019s rock solid, kind and loving and deserves better than me and then I had my children \u2013 two gorgeous girls who are now grown-ups.
I should be settled. But there\u2019s something inside me that courts danger and to my shame I\u2019ve had several affairs \u2013 it\u2019s these men I\u2019ve stalked.
The first man I met through friends at a gig ten years ago. He was an artist called Miles*, not handsome but very charismatic. There was a spark and we exchanged numbers, despite both being married. We texted each other every moment and arranged to meet up the following week \u2013 the sex was phenomenal, I\u2019d never experienced anything like it. For three months we took unbelievable risks to see each other \u2013 I even crept out of my marital bed in the middle of the night to go and meet him, he lived near me in north London.
And then after three months Miles ended it \u2013 with a brutal text saying, \u2018I\u2019m sorry it\u2019s over\u2019. I was broken, I couldn\u2019t understand, the day before he\u2019d told me he couldn\u2019t live without me. When I started bombarding him with messages he blocked me. I needed to get an explanation, so I turned up at his studio, lingering outside and then pouncing on him. He coldly told me to leave him alone. And still there was no explanation.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/GettyImages-1432298273.jpg” title_text=”Close-up of Loving couple.” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Sarah admits to setting up fake social media profiles to stalk her ex<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
After that the obsession kicked in \u2013 I couldn\u2019t just leave it. I knew a lot of his routines, where he lived and the supermarkets he went to. For months I stalked him daily. Sometimes I\u2019d stay out of his sight, other times I let him see me \u2013 though never when he was with his wife. I felt compassion for her. But I got a kick out of his flinch of shock and seeing him scuttling away. I\u2019d sit outside his house at night, just watching the lights going off in his living room and waiting to see them come on in the bedroom. I remember once hiding behind a van, then when he came out of his house stepping into view. I never tried to talk to him again though. I didn\u2019t love him or want him back, but I couldn\u2019t stand the idea of him forgetting me.
My maddest moment was buying a dog so I had an excuse to walk him on Hampstead Heath where I knew Miles took his labrador. It was crazy \u2013 I don\u2019t even like dogs, though I\u2019ve grown fond of mine. The dog also gave me an excuse to be out of the house, other excuses I used were working late and seeing friends.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/BR_101_Unit_00795_RT.jpgBR_101_Unit_00795_RT_preview.jpg” title_text=”BR_101_Unit_00795_RT.jpg,BR_101_Unit_00795_RT_preview” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” min_height=”28.8px” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”3px|8px|3px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Sarah felt compassion for Martha<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
I wanted to know where Miles was all the time. I set up fake social media profiles to stalk him online. If he checked in at restaurant, I\u2019d look at their social media page to see if I could see him in the background. I\u2019d take my husband out to the same restaurants, hoping to see Miles there. I stalked his friends too.
I knew my behaviour wasn\u2019t \u2018normal\u2019. I tried to stop myself, but it\u2019s like having the itchiest bite in the world, you try not to scratch it, but then you do and for a few seconds you have a blissful relief. But then the itching starts again.
It went on for about nine months and then suddenly I lost the urge \u2013 I no longer cared.
I\u2019ve never fallen in love again, but I\u2019ve had two further flings and I\u2019ve stalked them as well. They\u2019ve followed a very similar pattern, a passionate affair, followed by them ending it, saying they felt it had run its course. I\u2019ve surprised myself by how patient I can be \u2013 I\u2019ve waited for hours just for a glimpse of them, I\u2019ve gone back to the same place time and time again, I\u2019ve driven for miles out of my way. Because they\u2019ve all been married they\u2019ve never called the police on me \u2013 they ignore me.
It isn\u2019t that I expect them to come back to me if they see me everywhere. I\u2019m not deluded that stalking someone will make them love you. I just want to still feel that we\u2019re in each other\u2019s lives. I realise I should get help, I rarely feel at peace. I feel enormous guilt towards my husband, but yet manage to compartmentalise most of the time \u2013 I do love him and I\u2019m under no illusion that by not only cheating but behaving illegally I could ruin both of our lives.
And yet part of me doesn\u2019t want to give it up and live in a \u2018normal\u2019 way. For me it\u2019s like someone who shoplifts for kicks, or any addiction, you know it\u2019s self-destructive and harmful to others but you can\u2019t help it.<\/p>\n
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PHOTOS: GETTY<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ module_class=”flatplan-readmore” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#111111″ custom_padding=”35px||35px||true|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” custom_margin=”||||false|false” custom_padding=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_3_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_4,3_4″ module_class=”read-more-item” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” 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text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” text_font_size=”16px” link_option_url=”https:\/\/apple.news\/A0bBtVJeIRiSYmqM4nlVh6g” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]<\/p>\n The sexy secrets behind Sofia Vergara\u2019s dirty divorce<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" To the outside world 52-year-old Sarah Jones* lives a charmed life \u2013 but her secret obsessive habit means she\u2019s rarely at peace\u2026.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":2730,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2728","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-real-life"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"closermag","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2728","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2728"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2728\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2742,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2728\/revisions\/2742"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2730"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2728"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2728"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2728"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Read 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