Ashley Madison is the latest Netflix hit, but who are the men using extra marital affair websites? We interview Paul, 63, who\u2019s been married for 30 years about his escapades\u2026<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/06\/GettyImages-166272030-e1719242153606.jpg” title_text=”Couple kissing on bed” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
Paul’s wife had lost interest in sex, but he hadn’t<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
My first affair was five years into my marriage \u2013 when I was 39. When I got married I intended to be faithful. I\u2019d never managed it before, but that was when I was in my 20s and everyone seemed to be playing around, including my girlfriends. I thought I\u2019d sown my wild oats and was ready to settle down \u2013 this was a proper commitment.
\u00a0But after we had our two children my wife lost interest in sex and I felt as though I was going mad. I\u2019ve got a high sex drive but hers had all but disappeared.
In despair I confided in a friend, and asked whether this was normal and he ruefully replied \u2018yes\u2019 and admitted to having affairs.\u00a0<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/06\/GettyImages-163693119.jpg” title_text=”Woman making a striptease” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
He thinks it’s his right to have sex with other women if his wife is no longer interested<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”||0px|||” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
It felt as though I was being given a green light. And I opened myself up to possibilities.
My first lover was a woman I worked with in my marketing job. She was married too, but very flirtatious \u2013 always making suggestive comments to me. We went away on a work trip and ended up in bed. The relief was immeasurable \u2013 my sex life wasn\u2019t finished and I felt alive again. I think that\u2019s what assuaged my guilt, sex is so important to me and it seemed unfair that part of my life should be deemed to be over. I didn\u2019t want to try to guilt my wife into having sex with me and for it to become another chore for her. I wanted to be desired and this other woman made me feel like that.
Our affair fizzled out as it was solely based on sex, but it gave me a taste for it.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/06\/GettyImages-707437761.jpg” title_text=”Man kissing neck of woman in bed” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
He’s slept with women in his marital bed<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
Since then, I\u2019ve had more than one affair with a colleague \u2013 it\u2019s not uncommon, one in five people have admitted to having a fling with a co-worker.
With one woman we often travelled to meetings on trains. It\u2019s not the most salubrious venue, train toilets aren\u2019t known for their cleanliness – though it\u2019s not something either men or women focus on in the heat of the moment. But the thrill of knowing passengers are nearby is a good one. I\u2019ve never been caught, but the risk is there which makes it more exciting, and I love then going into the meeting and being professional, knowing that just an hour before, we\u2019d been having sex. I\u2019ve also had sex in aeroplanes and even in my car \u2013 that was during lockdown, I met my lover at the time on a quiet industrial estate as there was no where else to go. That\u2019s the thing about extra marital sex, it tends to be more adventurous and therefore passionate.
While I enjoy the thrill of possibly being able to be seen, I have no interest in getting caught \u2013 I very much want to stay married. Despite everything I love my life, she\u2019s the woman I want to get old with. But I can compartmentalise my relationships and sex can be just that. I see it as no differently to if I wanted to play golf, and she didn\u2019t. She\u2019d have no issue with me going off to play a round with someone else, so why mind about sex if she doesn\u2019t want to do it?<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/06\/GettyImages-74410725.jpg” title_text=”Woman sitting on bar” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” min_height=”28.8px” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”3px|8px|3px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
His work means he can explain away his absences\u00a0<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
It was my desire not to get caught that made me seek out an extra marital affairs website \u2013 my rationale being that they\u2019re married too, so understand my time restrictions and are equally determined not to be found out. And the very fact they\u2019ve signed up shows they want sex as much as I do.
And since then I\u2019ve been with at least 20 women \u2013 though if I\u2019m honest I\u2019ve lost count of the total.
I\u2019ve met women of all ages and walks of life and I\u2019ve had sex everywhere from hotels \u2013 using websites such as Day Use which allows you to rent them for an afternoon \u2013 to my house, cinemas and various parks in and around London where I live. I don\u2019t have a type and sometimes they\u2019re a one off and other times I\u2019ve formed relationships, lasting for months. They\u2019ve all ended amicably \u2013 we knew from the outset that the relationship was finite.
But we have a lot of fun in the meantime. With one lover we went to stay in a hotel with a swimming pool. It was in the evening and the outdoor pool was empty, so we slid in and started having sex. It was super exciting because I knew people looking out of their bedroom windows would be able to see us and might wonder what we were up to. But at the same time we could have just been hugging.
\u00a0Five years ago I had a very adventurous girlfriend and we did it a few times in the cinema. It wasn\u2019t just a fumble in the back row, but full sex, with her sitting astride me. We\u2019d take the morning off work and go to an early screening, which would usually be empty. Though I remember one very frustrating occasion when a man came and sat a few seats away from us, despite having many other seating options, so we left. And we had to stop going because they installed CCTV in all the screens, which you could see in the foyer!\u00a0<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/05\/GettyImages-1432298273.jpg” title_text=”Close-up of Loving couple.” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
Paul is sure his wife will never find out<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
I\u2019m sure people will judge me for this but I imagine others who have had affairs have done the same. My wife\u2019s parents live in the north and every month or so she goes to stay with them, and if I completely trust my lover of the time I will invite her there for some nookie \u2013 it\u2019s cheaper than a hotel room. My children are in their 20s, so have moved out. I\u2019ve had sex everywhere in my house from the lounge to the marital bed and even in our garden at night. Afterwards I go through the house removing any stray hairs and washing up the wine glasses. I don\u2019t feel guilty, if anything it gives me a thrill when I\u2019m watching a film with my wife, thinking about how I\u2019d been having sex on the same sofa just a few hours before – it livens up a dull evening. I think I\u2019m a model husband in every other way \u2013 we have a lot of fun together and what she doesn\u2019t know won\u2019t hurt her. And I make sure I\u2019m not caught, I have strict rules about not texting after 6pm or at weekends, I\u2019ll never walk around hand in hand with my lover and I\u2019m lucky in that I genuinely have numerous meetings during the day so my absence can be explained and I don\u2019t meet in the evenings unless my wife is away.
I know many women will be shocked to read my confessions and I’m not particularly proud of a lot of it, but I know for sure that I am not alone, and the fact that there are dating sites with the specific aim of helping people to cheat is proof.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text module_class=”credit-texts” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Aboreto|||on|||||” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]
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We interview Paul, 63, who\u2019s been married for 30 years about his escapades\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":2933,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2927","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-celebrity"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"closermag","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2927","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2927"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2927\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2938,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2927\/revisions\/2938"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2933"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2927"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2927"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2927"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Read more from Closer<\/h3>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_4,3_4″ module_class=”read-more-item” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2023\/07\/Thumbnailtgqq.jpg” title_text=”Thumbnailtgqq” module_class=”read-more-thumbnail” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text module_class=”read-more-headline” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|700|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” text_font_size=”16px” link_option_url=”https:\/\/apple.news\/ABgCYwvfNTKq0ormaQsj7Kw ” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]