[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-post-title” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”|600|||||||” header_text_align=”center” header_text_color=”#dd1881″ header_font_size=”44px” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
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Over half of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life and among married women it\u2019s estimated to be 62%. Katie Gordon is one of them, she\u2019s NEVER managed to climax with her husband. \u00a0Here, she tells her story – and we ask an expert whether it\u2019s a lost cause\u2026<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/10\/GettyImages-481705930-e1729267354815.jpg” title_text=”In bed: worried” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
When the big “O” becomes “Oh, that was disappointing’<\/p>\n
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Lying back on my pillow, post-sex, I hug my husband tightly. I love him to pieces and never want him to know that I\u2019ve just faked my orgasm. It\u2019s not a When Harry Met Sally style performance, screaming and banging the headboard, just a question of catching my breath and moaning in the right places.\u00a0
It\u2019s something I\u2019ve done ever since I\u2019ve been with him.\u00a0
Like 21% of women who fake it, I do it so I don\u2019t hurt his feelings. And after years of sex that\u2019s never really been better than\u00a0\u2018pleasant\u2019, it feels too difficult to broach it.\u00a0
It would be horrible for him to hear and would rock the foundations of our marriage. It would make him feel inadequate and question whether I\u2019ve lied about anything else. I haven\u2019t.\u00a0
It\u2019s not as if I\u2019m crying out for something kinky like bondage to tip me over the edge. I think our bodies just don\u2019t match \u2013 maybe it\u2019s a pheromone thing.\u00a0
I know it\u2019s not that I\u2019m incapable of orgasms. I\u2019ve had them with other men and know just how wonderful it can be.\u00a0
When I met Simon, I was in my second year at university in Leeds and we were in the pub. He knew people on my sociology course and we got chatting. I had a few beers and we started snogging so I invited him back to my room.\u00a0
We didn\u2019t have sex that night, we lay in bed chatting instead, talking about our families and our courses. I went away liking him enormously. We arranged to meet up the following week and it continued from there. We had sex on our third meeting and it was\u2026fine.\u00a0
He was only my second lover and I hadn\u2019t orgasmed with my first boyfriend either. Simon turned me on, and I enjoyed it so I presumed climaxing would come with time and there were occasions I even thought I had.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/10\/GettyImages-157721877-1.jpg” title_text=”young couple on the bed” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Don’t look so cocky fella – she was faking it all along!<\/p>\n
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Aside from the sex, we developed an amazing relationship \u2013 he\u2019s a lovely man, kind, considerate and supportive. He\u2019s never run me down once. Early on I felt this was the man I\u2019d spend my life with.\u00a0
Having said that we did split up shortly after we finished our degrees. I was going to teacher training college in London and he was going to work in a conservation project in Indonesia and wanted to be free. Though I was upset I understood and we stayed friends.\u00a0
In the following three years I slept with seven people. Two left me cold, they were drunken one night stands. But the rest were lovely and with the second one of them I finally had an orgasm and understood what it was all about. It made me realise that any twinge I\u2019d felt with Simon wasn\u2019t close to the breathtaking orgasm I could have.\u00a0
When Simon came home after two years, we started seeing each other sporadically as friends. Occasionally we\u2019d get drunk and end up in bed together. I was seeing another man casually at the same time. With him I had incredible sex and a lot of laughs, but I couldn\u2019t see us building a life together.\u00a0
I was 25 when I got back together with Simon properly and finished with my other lover. Simon was then and still is the man I picture getting old with, sitting on a deck chair by the sea watching the sun set.\u00a0
It sounds odd, but I don\u2019t think I really contemplated the sex part, it wasn\u2019t high on my list of priorities. We had lots of mutual friends, we\u2019d got a property together, we laughed and I loved him. I fancied Simon, he turned me on and not actually orgasming didn\u2019t worry me \u2013 I still thought it was just a matter of time.\u00a0
At times I look back and wish I\u2019d said something, but I never felt as though I was settling, I wanted to be married to him.\u00a0
We got married in 2008 when I was 27, and went on our honeymoon to Italy and like all newlyweds we were at it like rabbits. And it really was nice, I felt connected and intimate and very happy. But still an orgasm eluded me.\u00a0<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/10\/GettyImages-1367175086.jpg” title_text=”Couple having problems in relationship” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
Sex therapy is always an option – if the toys and rubberwear fail to spice things up!<\/p>\n
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I fell pregnant a month later and we now have two sons, aged 15 and 13. The early years passed in a haze. We still had sex but not very often. And I always pretended I loved it more than I did. He occasionally asks if I\u2019m satisfied or whether he can finish and I will always reassure him that I\u2019m there.
About 10 years ago we were sitting watching a film \u2013 I can\u2019t remember which one \u2013 with a sex therapist in it and I wondered out loud if it would be interesting to go to one. He recoiled at the thought. So I think that\u2019s put me off ever bringing it up again.
Sporadically I\u2019ve tried to spice things up. I\u2019m not one for toys, but I bought some lacy underwear in the hope that it would lead to more passion. The last time I did that was about five years ago – it never helped.\u00a0
And now we rarely make love at all \u2013 the last time was nearly two years ago. I don\u2019t miss it as such. We do talk about it occasionally and say we should do it more often, but then we just roll over and go to sleep. But though we\u2019ve discussed the quantity we\u2019ve never discussed the quality.\u00a0\u00a0
I wonder sometimes if it\u2019s the same for him \u2013 he does orgasm but I\u2019m not sure it\u2019s incredible for him, more a reaction to the mechanics of it, it\u2019s different for men.\u00a0
Ironically one of the reasons I\u2019ll never tell him that I fake it is because I know how hurt I\u2019d be to hear the same from him.\u00a0<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/10\/GettyImages-84228766.jpg” title_text=”Young couple making love” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” min_height=”28.8px” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”3px|8px|3px|8px|true|true” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
And the Oscar for best faked orgasm during pedestrian, passionless sex goes to…\u00a0<\/p>\n
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Sometimes I look back on passionate encounters I\u2019ve had wistfully. The other day a girlfriend was laughing that she\u2019d had a phenomenal quickie with her husband in their lunch break when they were working from home. I was astonished. I don\u2019t generally talk about sex with my friends \u2013 it would feel disloyal \u2013 but I\u2019d presumed they were all the same as me and had a take it or leave it attitude. So it made me think.\u00a0
I worry that I\u2019ll feel differently once the children have left home and we aren\u2019t so busy. Maybe then I\u2019ll long for passion and it will ruin everything. I hope I don\u2019t as I adore my husband. Out of all our friends I think we\u2019ve got one of the most successful marriages. We rarely row, we\u2019re on the same page with the way we bring up our children, he\u2019s loving and giving.\u00a0
Equally I hope he doesn\u2019t go searching for more exciting and fulfilling sex. He\u2019s the most wonderful man and missing out on orgasms is a small price to pay for being with him.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/10\/GettyImages-1369296365.jpg” title_text=”Scandal! Shocked young couple react in shock and horror to their laptop computer as they lie in bed togther” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
When watching porn for new ideas ends with – ‘Oh my God, look at the size of that!’<\/p>\n
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What the expert says:\u00a0
Sex therapist Samantha Tipples (www.samanthatipples.com) says,\u00a0
After a long relationship it would be brutal to just come out with it and say \u2018I\u2019ve been faking it all along\u2019. However you don\u2019t have to resign yourself to never orgasming again.\u00a0
In this couple\u2019s case they have a good foundation for being able to achieve a satisfying sex life \u2013 they like each other, love each other, find each other attractive and can communicate about other things.\u00a0
It could be that Katie has unresolved guilt about achieving an orgasm first with a different partner \u2013 she has no need to. It could be that she doesn\u2019t want to take into the bedroom something she learnt with someone else.\u00a0
However it can be useful\u00a0to cast your mind back to a time when you were very aroused and see if you can identify what it was and whether you can introduce it into this relationship too \u2013 for example a smell that she associates with good sex or a way of being touched that she could guide her partner to do. Is there a film she could watch with him that she finds erotic and explain why?
Equally a change of mindset would be helpful, if you have conditioned yourself to think you won\u2019t achieve an orgasm then it\u2019s unlikely that you\u2019ll have one. It\u2019s important to stay in the present and focus on what you\u2019re feeling in the here and now. If she does then hopefully he will follow her lead and it will become more mutually satisfying.\u00a0
Just because you haven\u2019t reached an orgasm yet \u2013 it doesn\u2019t mean you never will.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Over half of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life and among married women it\u2019s estimated to be 62% – Katie Gordon, is one of them, she\u2019s NEVER managed to climax with her husband. \u00a0Here, she tells her story – and we ask an expert whether it\u2019s a lost 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