When mum of two Carolyn Morton, 45, was widowed she experienced a sense of freedom that she\u2019d never expected\u2026<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/11\/GettyImages-461942113-e1732032163890.jpg” title_text=”Closeup Grief in the Cemetery” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
People grieve in different ways – but moving on to another chap within days is quite ‘out there’!<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
Flicking through Tinder I happily swiped right on a man who, at 33, was 12 years younger than me. In the following conversation I made it clear that I was looking for sex with no strings at all. The sooner the better.
Three days later I was at his house and we had sex for hours \u2013 he was exactly what I needed. It was life affirming and satisfying.
A week after that I buried my husband of 20 years \u2013 we weren\u2019t estranged. I\u2019d been at his side for the three weeks he lay in hospital fighting a heart infection. I was devastated for our children when it was over; I was traumatised by the sudden nature of his death, and I was sad that the man I had once loved so fiercely was no longer in the world.
But there wasn\u2019t any guilt, either at the time of my \u2018date\u2019 or at my husband\u2019s funeral, though I didn\u2019t exactly want the congregation to know what I\u2019d done \u2013 I suspect many of them wouldn\u2019t understand.
The truth is while I grieved my husband, I also had a sense of freedom and new beginnings. Our marriage had been complicated and for some of it deeply unhappy. One reason was because I had a high sex drive and for years John and I had rarely made love \u2013 when we did it was all on his terms. \u00a0
I didn\u2019t see the younger man again. But 22 months on I\u2019m happier than I ever imagined I could be. At 45 I\u2019m financially stable, my mortgage is paid off and I\u2019m in a new and fulfilling relationship.\u00a0<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/11\/GettyImages-1149026838.jpg” title_text=”Close-up cropped view portrait of his he her she nice attractive stunning lovely lovable gorgeous lady cuddling muscular masculine macho guy affair in loft brick industrial style interior room house” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
Well, if you must… at least the underwear is black as a mark of respect!<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”||0px|||” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
John was a complicated Jekyll and Hyde character and while our marriage could be good, I admit there were times during it that I\u2019d wished him dead, to escape from our co-dependant and toxic relationship.
We met 22 years ago on a blind date, set up by friends. He was gorgeous, sexy, gregarious and adventurous. I fell head over heels in love.
He proposed after six months, in my living room.\u00a0 Six months later we got married, in a big white wedding.
At the beginning it felt perfect, I carried on working in a travel agency and he worked on the oil rigs \u2013 he did three weeks on, three weeks off. When he was away I missed him desperately, I\u2019d wear his jumper so I could still smell him.
A year later I fell pregnant, our eldest daughter Jenny is now 19 and Rose, 17, followed. He was a besotted father, but he never got involved in the minutiae of family life.
Six months after the Rose was born he sent me an email, clearly meant for someone else. It said, \u201cI really enjoyed massaging you\u2026.and can\u2019t wait to see you again\u201d. It was from an email address I didn\u2019t recognise \u2013 his name but from Hotmail not gmail, which he used with me.
I was in shock. As far as I knew we were happily married, he\u2019d given no sign that he wasn\u2019t still as blissfully in love as I was.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/11\/GettyImages-912475546.jpg” title_text=”couple kissing in bed and holding condom” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
Sometimes a special cuddle is the secret to lifting the spirits<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
At first he denied everything, then he admitted he\u2019d met someone online when he was bored on the rig and met her while he was on leave and I was at work. He swore it meant nothing, that it was just a massage, and he loved me and it would never happen again.
\u00a0It smashed my heart in half. Before it happened I\u2019d have said I\u2019d leave if he ever cheated. But I had two small children and I\u2019d started working part time, financially we were struggling. I didn\u2019t know how I\u2019d cope. And I was still madly in love with him.
I tried to put it out of my head, I desperately wanted life to go back to normal. I told myself it was a temporary aberration that it would never happen again.
Nine years passed before I caught him coming on to a friend at a party, they\u2019d gone for a cigarette outside together, I went to find them and saw him moving in for a kiss. He denied it but I knew what I\u2019d seen.
We stayed together. But over the years I suspected he was unfaithful again, he guarded his phone with his life, there were times he slipped up over saying where he\u2019d been while he was on leave and I was at work. I learnt to ignore them. Ironically he was possessive over my time, always calling if I was out with the girls.
It wasn\u2019t just his infidelity that made our marriage suffer. Although I worked he was the main breadwinner. So he assumed the mantle of the man of the house and he became very demanding. Sometimes when he came home for his three weeks on leave he\u2019d criticise me if the house wasn\u2019t spotless or the girls were cheeky. I\u2019d walk on egg shells around him, because he was so moody, refusing to engage or have sex. During those periods I hated him and dreaded his return.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/11\/GettyImages-1296173687.jpg” title_text=”Woman using a smart phone unhappy in trendy east london” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” min_height=”28.8px” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”3px|8px|3px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
Tinder can, in fact, be an incredible source of supportive souls who are eager to help<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
But at other times he was back to the man I feel so hopelessly in love with, charming and affectionate, and he\u2019d sweep me off my feet again. As I say it was complicated.
I often read threads on mumsnet where women tell you to LTB (leave the bastard) as if it\u2019s as simple as changing the locks or skipping off with your children in tow.
The reality is unravelling your life as a couple with children is far from simple \u2013 emotionally and practically.
I\u2019d come from a broken home and was determined my children would grow up in a family. I panicked that if he left he\u2019d set up home with someone new and forget about us. It would hurt the girls too much.
I tried to end it a few times. But he\u2019d make wild promises about it all being better and for a while it would be. Afterwards he\u2019d be happy and fun, we\u2019d have holidays and I\u2019d see the girls laughing up at him as he made a joke and it would all feel worth it.
Equally my self-confidence was at rock bottom. I had really loved him, I believed our marriage would be the happiest imaginable. So I lost trust in myself to make decisions and know the right thing to do.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2024\/11\/GettyImages-1395361952.jpg” title_text=”Cemetery” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
‘The grave’s a fine and private place, but none, I think, do there embrace’<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]
I don\u2019t know what might have happened. Last January he got a heart infection. He was only 49 and it was shocking. At one point he seemed to be recovering in hospital but after two weeks he took a turn for the worse and a week later he died. The girls were devastated. And I was too, despite everything I still loved him at times.
The first few days I was numb with shock, I went into overdrive organising everything. But gradually a feeling of relief came over me. My endless wondering about whether to stay or leave was over. And my financial worries were over. He got a big death in service pay out, he had an excellent life insurance policy and I would get an income from his pension. I felt a sense of freedom.
After sleeping with the man before the funeral, I went on to have sex with more men, five in total, all younger than me, finding them on dating apps and going to meet them for emotionless sex. I didn\u2019t tell anyone except one friend who knew how complicated my marriage was and supported me. I needed the physical relief, for so long sex had been tied up with John and my complicated feelings for him, this was straightforward.
But after seven months, I discovered I wanted more and had therapy so I could learn to trust myself again and be in a good place to have a new relationship.
And in January this year I met Rob, a plumber. He\u2019s wonderful, he\u2019s funny and kind and gentle. We laugh a lot and it feels absolutely right. The girls met him early on and though to start with they struggled at the thought their father was being replaced, now they adore him.
Weirdly I don\u2019t regret staying with John, despite being so much happier without him. This feels as though fate took its course and we\u2019ve ended up where we should be.\u00a0<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text module_class=”credit-texts” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Aboreto|||on|||||” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]
PHOTOS: GETTY<\/strong><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ module_class=”flatplan-readmore” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#111111″ custom_padding=”35px||35px||true|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” custom_margin=”||||false|false” custom_padding=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_3_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”] Meghan and Harry\u2019s last resort ‘therapy’<\/strong><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_4,3_4″ module_class=”read-more-item” 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expected\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":4022,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[14,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4017","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-real-life"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"closermag","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4017","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4017"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4017\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4047,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4017\/revisions\/4047"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4022"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Read 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