{"id":5142,"date":"2025-04-22T18:30:00","date_gmt":"2025-04-22T18:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/?p=5142"},"modified":"2025-04-17T13:42:43","modified_gmt":"2025-04-17T13:42:43","slug":"i-swapped-my-sex-toy-for-a-sausage-you-wont-believe-what-happened-next","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/2025\/04\/22\/i-swapped-my-sex-toy-for-a-sausage-you-wont-believe-what-happened-next\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I swapped my sex toy for a sausage \u2013 you won’t believe what happened next!\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-post-title” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”|600|||||||” header_text_align=”center” header_text_color=”#dd1881″ header_font_size=”44px” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

\u2018I swapped my sex toy for a sausage \u2013 you won’t believe what happened next!\u2019<\/h1>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text module_class=”intro-wrap” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Abel||||||||” text_font_size=”18px” text_orientation=”center” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

When Hayley\u2019s boyfriend took a packet of thick sausages out of the freezer, he wasn’t preparing dinner to satisfy her hunger\u2026he was trying to satisfy her lust!<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2025\/04\/imago76599463-scaled-e1744896046659.jpg” title_text=”Couple having sex in bed model released Symbolfoto property released PUBLICATIONxINxGERxSUIxAUTxHUNx” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

‘Your sausage feels so amazing – in fact, it’s a banger!’<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Trying to catch my breath, I laid sprawled across the bed.
\u2018That was amazing,\u2019 my date Jimmy said, as he spooned me.
\u2018The best I\u2019ve ever had,\u2019 I purred, stroking his chest.
We\u2019d only swiped right on Tinder and been on our first date at TGI Fridays days earlier.
But we were already at it like rabbits.
With his big brown eyes, stubble and muscly physique, there was something about his Jimmy that I just couldn\u2019t resist.
Soon we were taking it in turns to sleepover at each other\u2019s houses and loved trying out new positions.
Outside the bedroom, our relationship was just as passionate and we soon made our relationship official.
\u2018Will you be my girlfriend?\u2019 he smiled.
\u2018Of course,\u2019 I said.
At 17, he was my first real love and I felt so protected next to his towering 6ft 2in frame.
As Valentine\u2019s Day approached, I wanted to do something special and saucy for our first one together.
\u2018Let\u2019s go and see Fifty Shades of Grey!\u2019 I said to Jimmy, as the erotic romantic scenes flashed up on the TV screen one night.
\u2018You\u2019re on,\u2019 Jimmy winked, \u2018We may be able to pick up some tips.\u2019
\u2018I\u2019m not sure,\u2019 I giggled, \u2018I bet we could teach them a thing or two!\u2019
Days later, we couldn\u2019t take our eyes off the screen as Christian Grey used whips, chains and clamps to pleasure his love interest.
\u2018How would you like me doing like that to you?\u2019 Jimmy leant over and whispered in my ear during one of the bondage scenes. I couldn\u2019t deny it turned me on.
The next day, we went to Ann Summers and left the shop with a bag full of dildos, vibrators, ties, clamps, and naughty outfits.
We couldn\u2019t wait to get home to try our new sex toys.
\u2018Let me wrap this around you,\u2019 Jimmy smiled as he blindfolded me.
\u2018Don\u2019t go too easy on me,\u2019 I smiled.
Soon our sex life had reached another level.
My orgasms were so much more intense during our kinky sex sessions. I became addicted to buying new sex toys.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2025\/04\/06-Chelsea-Jordan-Carter1-scaled.jpg” title_text=”06 Chelsea Jordan Carter(1)” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Hayley became addicted to sex toys – but her most memorable came from the butchers shop<\/p>\n

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As soon as I got paid, I\u2019d pop into Ann Summers and treat myself to a new one.
Months later, I realised between us we\u2019d spent hundreds on dildos – big ones, small ones, vibrating ones \u2013 you name, we\u2019d got it.
But it was worth it to keep our sex sessions sizzling.
Every trip away, the first thing I\u2019d throw into my suitcase was my favourite large blue vibrator.
Even if it was a one-night stay somewhere, I would need to know that I had my trusty toy.
Then to celebrate our two-year anniversary, we decided to stay in my dad\u2019s luxury caravan in Scarborough.
\u2018Our first proper holiday together,\u2019 I said.
\u2018It\u2019s lovely to spend some time alone together,\u2019 he smiled, as we laid our bags down.
\u2018Also, more time to get down and dirty,\u2019 I laughed.
That first day, the caravan was definitely rocking!
Then in the morning, we woke feeling frisky again.
And there was only one thing that could wake me up and put a smile on my face.
\u2018I\u2019ll go and get our friend,\u2019 I laughed.
But as I searched my suitcase, I realised my favourite blue vibrator was nowhere to be found!
\u2018What are we going to do?\u2019 I cried.
I craved my bit of freakiness, and couldn\u2019t bear to think I\u2019d be stuck in a caravan for another two nights without my trusted blue friend.
I knew Jimmy and I could have traditional sex, but I loved him using a toy on my first. Nookie just wasn\u2019t the same without it.
\u2018Don\u2019t fret,\u2019 Jimmy said, \u2018I\u2019ll find something to do the job.\u2019 Then he started to scour the caravan for something phallic.
We needed something not too hard, but just the right firmness and texture.
\u2018How about this?\u2019 he said, pointing to the handle of a brush.
\u2018Not very hygienic,\u2019 I commented.
Next thing I knew, Jimmy had his head in the fridge freezer. \u2018Look what I\u2019ve found!\u2019 he exclaimed.
Then he pulled out a packet of Richmond frozen thick sausages. I was shocked.
Apart from ice, we\u2019d never used food in the bedroom.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2025\/04\/imago354731087-scaled.jpg” title_text=”frozen sausage with traces of frost on a white background. hot dog sausage xkwx sausage,” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Thick, meaty and tasty…as penis substitutes go, this seems to be wiener!<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

\u2018No, it will be too cold!\u2019 I shuddered at the thought of it entering me.
\u2018I can warm it up,\u2019 he said, thawing it under the hot tap.
In time, I came around to the idea.
Before I knew it, Jimmy had hopped back into bed with the sausage.
With its smooth texture, it actually felt better than expected.
Soon enough, Jimmy was using it like any other dildo.
But after a few minutes, a sharp shooting pain hit me.
\u2018Stop Jimmy, it hurts,\u2019 I grimaced. \u2018Take it out!\u2019
But as he pulled it out, his face dropped.
\u2018Only half of it has come out,\u2019 he gasped, as he held a bit of defrosted sausage in his hand. \u2018I\u2019m so sorry Hayley, this is all my fault.\u2019
I couldn\u2019t believe it. It was the wurst<\/em> thing that could have happened!
The sausage was stuck inside me!
After half an hour straining on the loo, it was clear it wasn\u2019t coming out.
\u2018We need to get you to A&E,\u2019 Jimmy urged as he rushed me to his car.
\u2018How the hell am I going to explain this at the hospital?\u2019 I asked. But Jimmy had no answers.
Feeling mortified, I took the receptionist to one side and explained my situation.
\u2018I\u2019ll make sure you\u2019re seen urgently,\u2019 she said.
But for the next three hours, I had to sit in the waiting room as still as possible, as certain positions made the pain unbearable.
\u2018Hayley Smith please,\u2019 the doctor eventually called.
Tears filled my eyes as I slowly walked over to the consultation room, while Jimmy waited outside.
As she examined me, I told her about our literal game of hide the sausage.
\u2018We can book you in for an appointment with the gynaecologist,\u2019 she said. \u2018But that might not be until tomorrow.\u2019
\u2018I can\u2019t wait that long,\u2019 I winced.
\u2018Well, I recommend that you go home and take a warm bath,\u2019 the doctor said. \u2018It should encourage your body to give birth to the rest of the sausage.\u2019
I couldn\u2019t help but feel frustrated that I could have done that hours ago. I tried to block out the pain on the ride home.
Then back at the caravan, I drew a deep hot bath and lowered myself in.
After 20 minutes, I was ready to push.
\u2018I\u2019d rather you\u2019d not see me give birth to a sausage,\u2019 I said, as Jimmy left the bathroom.
After pushing and panting, I started to crown a head.
But instead of seeing a baby\u2019s head, I looked down to see mushy sausage meat coming out of me.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2025\/04\/07-END-01-Chelsea-Jordan-Carter2.jpg” title_text=”07 END 01 Chelsea Jordan Carter(2)” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” background_color=”#111111″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”-2.75%||||false|false” custom_padding=”4px|8px|4px|8px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

For Hayley, being penetrated by a sausage wasn’t half as traumatic as giving birth to one!<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

\u2018Just one last push,\u2019 I groaned to myself, as the final bit of sausage floated into the water.
\u2018Are you sure it\u2019s all out?\u2019 Jimmy asked, as I staggered over to him wrapped in a towel.
\u2018I can\u2019t feel anything left,\u2019 I said.
Next day, we went home. Straight away, I booked a doctor\u2019s appointment.
Thankfully, apart from some inflammation, my flower was fine.
And in time Jimmy and I started to see the funny side of our chipolata saga.
I even told my close pal Rebecca what happened.
\u2018You silly sausage!\u2019 she screeched with laughter.
Afterwards, Jimmy and I decided to leave our sex toys in the drawer and went back to good old-fashioned hanky-panky. Sadly, a year or so later, we broke up.
But I still think of him fondly, every time I bite into a sausage sandwich.<\/p>\n

Hayley Smith, 25, Carlisle, Cumbria*<\/p>\n

All names have been changed<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

PICTURES:<\/strong> IMAGO<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ module_class=”flatplan-readmore” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#111111″ custom_padding=”35px||35px||true|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” custom_margin=”||||false|false” custom_padding=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_3_text_color=”#FFFFFF” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]<\/p>\n

Read more from Closer<\/h3>\n

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Meghan and Harry\u2019s last resort ‘therapy’<\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_4,3_4″ module_class=”read-more-item” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” width=”85%” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2023\/07\/bwbnewn.jpg” title_text=”bwbnewn” module_class=”read-more-thumbnail” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text module_class=”read-more-headline” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|700|||||||” text_text_color=”#FFFFFF” text_font_size=”16px” link_option_url=”https:\/\/apple.news\/A0bBtVJeIRiSYmqM4nlVh6g” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]<\/p>\n

The sexy secrets behind Sofia Vergara\u2019s dirty divorce<\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When Hayley\u2019s boyfriend took a packet of thick sausages out of the freezer, he wasn’t making dinner to satisfy her hunger\u2026he was preparing to satisfy her lust!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":5145,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-real-life"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"closermag","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5142","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5142"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5142\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5150,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5142\/revisions\/5150"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5145"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5142"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5142"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/closer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5142"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}