THANKS TO NEW ‘no fault’ divorces that make it easier for couples to legally separate, divorce rates are set to soar. But what are the signs a marriage is doomed? Here, divorced women reflect on the red flags that, with hindsight, they regret glossing over…

‘HIS WORK AND FRIENDS ALWAYS CAME FIRST’

Amy*, 36, dance instructor

If I’m really honest, I spotted the red flag that would ultimately end our 12-year marriage about six months into our relationship. The honeymoon stage was bliss, then suddenly I started to play second fiddle to his work and social life. He began to neglect me and call me ‘needy’ if I complained. I kept telling myself it was temporary and hoping that the guy I’d first met would return to me. I told myself that for 10 years. And when we finally got engaged in our 10th year I convinced myself marriage would solve everything. We were divorced within two years.

Sometimes, he’d make an effort for a week or so and that’s what kept me going, but it felt like death by a thousand cuts. I’m a dancer, a loud energetic teacher trying to bring out the power in my students, but in my private life I was quiet and meek. Eventually, I started to feel like a fraud. Feeling like one person at work and another in your marriage is unsustainable. Later than I’d have liked, I realised I needed to leave if I wanted to live my most authentic life.

Now I’d never put up with being minimised or cast aside. I’ve learned to articulate my needs clearly and walk away sooner if I’m not getting what I need.

‘HE DIDN’T LIKE ME SEEING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY’

Joanna*, 45, marketing specialist

I was just 17 when I met my first husband, while he was 26. We enjoyed a whirlwind relationship. He was immensely affectionate and committed and would always go out of his way for me. It helped that I was welcomed warmly by his parents; his mother and I were particularly close. We moved in after a few months and, 10 months in, married, shortly after I turned 18.

Soon after, I started to notice the first sign of trouble. He wasn’t keen on me spending time with my friends or family. When my brother in New York invited me to visit him, even offering to pay for my flights as a birthday present, he told me he didn’t want me to go. He was even funny about girls’ nights out, and when I arranged one with my friends in London, he insisted on waiting at the hotel and spending the night with me.

Eventually, I started to feel resentful towards him. His controlling behaviour escalated, talking down to me and making me doubt my decisions. One time, I told him I was applying for a promotion at work and his response was that I was ‘delusional’, that they’d ever even consider me. I got the job in the end, and I ditched the man. Aged 24, I was officially a divorcee and I’ve never looked back – now I’m in a wonderful marriage with a man who supports me and I couldn’t be happier.

‘HE WAS A SPENDTHRIFT’

Jessica*, 39, city council worker

My first husband was my personal Svengali: smart, persuasive and, at five years my senior, older enough to make me feel slightly less worldly than he was. He always gave the impression he was wealthy – he loved nice cars and luxury holidays. But his wealth was actually smoke and mirrors.

All his money came from credit cards and, after two years with him, I had a purse full of them myself. I’d always been terrified of debt, but he knew all the financial lingo and was so convincing when he told me I was overcautious. Everything escalated when we bought a house together: he got us a 125% mortgage. The interest on the loan was huge, but again he persuaded me into thinking it was fine. Soon enough, we were in so much debt we couldn’t afford our payments. The stress was a huge weight on our marriage and it prevented me from leaving for a long time.

We had two children together and £40,000 of debt by the time I decided enough was enough. He’d change address constantly to avoid it, the buck then falling on me. It took me 10 years to pay it off but, in that time, I married a man who is financially savvy. Looking back, I wish I’d trusted my instincts and put my foot down. It would’ve saved me a lot of money and heartbreak.