For over a decade, Dave Grohl has been known as the ‘nice guy’ of rock. That was until this week. On Wednesday, news broke that the The Foo Fighters frontman fathered a child outside ‘outside of his marriage.’

In a statement posted to Instagram, Grohl admitted to cheating on his wife Jordyn Blum. He wrote: ‘I’ve recently become the father of a new baby daughter, born outside of my marriage.’

‘I plan to be a loving and supportive parent to her,’ he continued. ‘I love my wife and my children, and I am doing everything I can to regain their trust and earn their forgiveness. We’re grateful for your consideration toward all the children involved, as we move forward together.’ He has been married to his wife, Jordyn Blum, for 21 years – since 2003. They have three children together: Violet Maye, Harper Willow, and Ophelia Saint, born in 2006, 2009, and 2014, respectively.

Another claim followed, this time published by The New York Post, claiming that Grohl had formed a ‘close friendship’ with porn website founder Annaliese Neilsen, described by tabloids as an ‘alt porn goddess’ and had even been rumoured to have paid her bills – though Grohl hasn’t commented on this.

A lot of fans have been shocked, and many hurt by the revelation. Grohl has often been seen as ‘one of the good ones’ and his adultery has shaken that image. Adding fuel to the fire was his statement, strangely written in a passive voice as if he had no control over the situation – attempting to make cheating on his wife and children look like a freak accident, not his own behaviour. As one X user said, ‘He sounds like someone left a baby on his doorstep and he had no choice but to gallantly step up and become her father.’

Another disappointed fan tweeted ‘out of every rock band frontman you’d expect to cheat on their wives and have a baby outside their marriage…dave grohl is at the bottom of everyone’s list [sic].’

What this saga has reinforced is perhaps that it’s high time we retired the ‘nice guy’ label, especially for celebrities. Not only is it parasocial, to deem people we do not know as moral or exceptions to rules, but in the case of the ‘nice guy’ label it’s actually detrimental to women and feminism. Let me explain.

The ‘nice guy’ is a myth — that is not to say nice men do not exist, of course they do, in their billions. It is to say that the label doesn’t, especially when self-dubbed.

There are think pieces titled ‘22 reasons Dave Grohl is the nicest guy in rock’. He does a lot of good, publicly supporting at least 16 charities over the decades. He helps up and coming artists. He was, until recently, a rare family man in the music industry. Like any human, he makes good decisions and bad. I am not here to make judgements on his morality.

Most women will have been subjected to a fake ‘nice guy before’. You all know one. He hits on you or offers to buy you a drink, or he asks you a couple questions about yourself, and then when you reject his advances tells you to give a nice guy a chance. If you continue to reject him, he will say nice guys finish last, and likely start insulting you. Sometimes, we will turn aggressive in his declaration of niceness. They can be found in every corner of life, waiting to pop up and tell you that you’re stuck up or rude for not entertaining them, and that they’re ‘actually one of the good guys’.

A lot of men are ‘nice guys’ until they’re not. A lot of men think they’re nice guys when women would vehemently disagree. Quite a few abusive men, murderers and rapists, have even been given or claimed the ‘nice guy’ mantle. Like Kylie Clifford, who was reported as being a ‘nice, normal guy’ after killing Carol, Hannah and Louise Hunt.

‘Nice guys’ don’t need to scream from the rooftops about their niceness, they don’t need such an arbitrary label. Their goodness is seen through their actions. Women don’t have a comparative; niceness for us is expected, or meant something entirely different. Being a ‘nice girl’ or ‘good girl’ is usually code for subjugation and malleability. Being a ‘nice guy’ is having a bare minimum level of respect for people, something expected from women without reward.

So, genuine nice guys — please continue. We appreciate you. ‘Nice guys’ who use such a label to manipulate women or further their careers, be gone.