On last night’s episode of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! singer Tulisa made a powerfully honest confession to her campmates. ‘I’m demisexual,’ she said of her attitude to sex and dating. ‘I need to have a really close emotional bond with someone … I need actual depth. I’m a slow, slow burner. I’ve been celibate for over three years.’

Noting that the thought of sex with strangers makes her feel ‘physically sick’, the 36-year-old explained that while she’s been on celebrity dating app Raya, she’s never been on a date from it. ‘I’m not an overly sexualised person,’ she said. ‘For me, it’s all about the connection and the emotions that I feel with someone and then wanting to express them in that way… [My body] is my temple, you cannot enter!’

Demisexuality is a type of asexuality and is defined as having no sexual attraction without emotional connection. Less than 1% of the population reportedly identify as asexual, but numbers are growing as awareness spreads. That’s thanks to many other public figures who too have spoken out about being demisexual or asexual too.

Michaela Coel shared in a 2018 interview that she considers herself ‘aromantic’, which is another type of asexuality that describes having little or no romantic attraction to others, while singer Chappel Roan also shared that she considers herself demisexual in a 2023 episode of the We’re Having Gay Sex Podcast – saying that the thought of one-night stands gives her ‘crazy anxiety.’

‘I don’t like being demisexual, I wish I liked having flings,’ Chappel, real name Kayleigh Amstutz, said. ‘It’s interesting because my [music] is very sexually forward, there’s a lot of sexual scenes and queer sex. In a lot of the songs, album and visuals, that is the character of Chappel, that is the performance art of it. But I think I still have that “Christian guilt” vibe about sex in real life. I wish I could have flings and hook up with girls and it would just be a fun thing but it’s so not for me.’

In fact, Marilyn Monroe was famously reconsidered as asexual after excerpts from her unfinished autobiography showed that she too had no interest in sex. ‘Why I was a siren, I hadn’t the faintest idea,’ she wrote. ‘here were no thoughts of sex in my head. I didn’t want to be kissed, and I didn’t dream of being seduced by a duke or a movie star. The truth was that with all my lipstick and mascara and curves, I was as un-sensual as a fossil. But I seemed to affect people quite otherwise.’

And Project Runways Tim Gunn noted he is asexual in his autobiography, writing ‘I wasn’t interested in boys, and I really wasn’t interested in girls. For many years, I described myself as asexual, and I still think that’s closest to the truth.’

Tulisa’s admission then is just one of many, but it serves as a refreshing reminder that when it comes to sex and dating, there is no one ‘right’ or ‘normal’ way to view it – and it’s having a powerful impact on viewers.

‘I love that Tulisa is raising awareness of demisexuality,’ one reader told Grazia. ‘I can really relate to that feeling of being physically turned off by the thought of casual sex and needing that bond to be intimate with someone. There’s still quite a lot of pressure to be living this wild, sexually free lifestyle when your single, so you can feel really boring not partaking, but for some of us it just doesn’t appeal.’

‘I didn’t label myself demisexual but hearing Tulisa explain how she feels really does fit for me,’ another reader says. ‘I feel like a lot of the one-night stands I’ve had; I was doing it “for the plot” as they say and not really because I was really attracted to that person or REALLY wanted to have sex. Since my last relationship a year ago I’ve been celibate and have no interest in getting “back on the horse”, I’m only now realising that that’s fine.’

For sex and relationship experts, it’s important to distinguish that there is also a difference between not being very interested in casual sex, which can happen for a variety of reasons, versus being strictly asexual. In fact, clinical sexologist and therapist Ness Cooper explains that misconceptions around asexuality can then often have a knock-on impact to how people who identify that way are viewed.

‘There’s confusion that anyone who doesn’t want to have a lot of sex are automatically asexual,’ she explains. ‘This is sadly often used as a negative, even though asexuality is a very valid form of sexuality. Throughout time individuals who don’t want to have sex or don’t want to have certain types of sex have been infantilized or told that they must be broken, and as we know this isn’t true. While having causal sex can be amazing for some, some may not enjoy this and that’s perfectly ok.’

And the shame goes both ways, with women who do loudly enjoy casual sex similarly facing stigma despite decades of efforts made to quash sexist narratives. ‘Currently there’s a big wave of purity culture right now too which may make it seem like there’s less casual sex happening but in reality, it is still going on,’ Ness says. ‘Women are subjected to a lot of socio-cultural stigma around casual encounters, and while some are setting up more boundaries, there’s still a lot of shame around women saying what they want.’

The lesson? Have loads of casual sex or none at all, truly it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks!