Remember the days when we all knew less about each other? When you went through life blissfully unaware that Sheila down the road spent all year listening to Taylor Swift, curtesy of the Spotify Wrapped round-up she posted on Instagram. Or that your Uncle Joe’s most watched director was Wes Anderson, which he gleefully shared on Facebook via his Letterboxd year in review.

Well, brace yourselves, dear reader, because things are about to get even more personal: the dating apps have started doing years in review. Yes, seriously – move over music and film, now we all get to find out how many people tried reverse cowgirl this year!  

It’s perhaps an unsurprising escalation, social media is nothing without intense oversharing. Plus, there’s clearly a market for it – all of us are secretly voyeurs, it seems, desperate to know more about how much sex everyone is having, and in what position they’re doing it in.

So, what’s the most popular sex position for 2024? It is undoubtedly shocking, but not for reasons you think. And we must caveat this reveal with the acknowledgement that this data comes directly from LGBTQ+ dating app Grindr, so we’re perhaps only revealing the sex lives of queer people here. Neither Tinder, Bumble nor Hinge have revealed what their top sex position of the year is – but when you find out what it is, you may well feel it applies to everyone…

Because, dear reader, the top sex position for the year was none other than… missionary! That’s right, for all your scissoring and speed bumping and rainbow kissing the biggest shock of all is that we’re all incredibly bloody boring.

‘It may seem a little strange, considering we often think of missionary as “boring” and “vanilla”—a position for folks who lack imagination,’ Zachary Zane, Grindr’s first-ever sex and relationship expert explained. ‘But missionary is anything but bland. It leaves no room to hide. Your face is visible, your body pressed so close you can feel the shifting of ribs and hip bones. It asks you to look—not just a passing glance, but a real look. At their mouth, their eyes, the lines of their forehead. It strips away the distractions that other positions allow, demanding a level of presence that feels uncomfortably raw.’

It’s true that missionary has an unfair rep – it’s a uniquely intimate position that maintained its place as a tried-and-true favourite for queer and straight couples for decades, so who are we to call it ‘boring’? In fact, if it is boring, you’re probably not doing it well.

Allow us to educate you then on how to spice up your missionary life. First things first, let’s talk anal. Yes, we’re going straight in with anal (you shouldn’t though, FYI). Missionary doesn’t have to be your basic penis in vagina penetration, you can experiment with anal – using lots and LOTS of lubes of course – to keep things interesting. If you’ve never tried it in this position before, make sure to talk it through with your partner beforehand to understand everyone’s boundaries. It’s always great to keep asking questions like ‘Do you like that?’ or ‘How does it feel?’, both maintaining a sexy communication throughout and ensuring each partner is getting as much pleasure out of it as possible.

Next, try toys. Cock rings are great for missionary, but so are vibrators. The receiving partner can hold it on their clitoris as the penetrating partner moves, or if the receiving partner has crotchless underwear, you can place a ‘panty vibrator’ in there so hold it in place. There’s also couples vibrators that one partner can control while the other person uses it… perfect! The sex toy fun doesn’t have to end there, you can try butt plugs too.

If you fancy really spicing things up, try experimenting with the senses too. Blindfolds make for a great and simple addition, or if your partner is comfortable having their hands ties you can wrap them together with a silk scarf. Of course, the easiest way to spice up missionary is to simply insert a pillow below the receiving partners hips to change the angle of penetration – it increases pleasure for both partners and requires no effort to maintain.

All of this is to say, while missionary might sound like the most fun, you’ll ever have in the bedroom, it certainly can be! Missionary is what you make of it, so if you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right.

If all else fails, try a change in location. Coincidentally, that’s what Bumble revealed to be one of the most popular fetishes of the year. While having sex after an orgasm was the number one favoured kink, doing it outside on a balcony came in second and having sex while playing video games was third. Truly, that is entirely more shocking than missionary being our most popular sex position – cunnilingus during Call of Duty, anyone?

Millennials were the friskiest, according to Bumble, while Gen Z showed a tamer approach to sex. In fact, their favourite sexual activity was ‘cuddling’ with other preferences including at home spa-days and hotel bathroom sex. Oh, those little wellness obsessed Gen-Zers, so raunchy.

So, there you have it, information you never needed but desperately wanted to know, we’re sure.