As a sex expert, one thing I’ve noticed whenever I watch films with a strong theme of BDSM – a variety of sexual practices that include bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadism – is that it’s typically portrayed in problematic, misinformed ways. Think Fifty Shades of Grey, which received mountains of criticism upon release for presenting BDSM as a pathology to overcome, showcased incorrect techniques and blended elements of abuse with the practice.

Enter Babygirl, the new erotic thriller in which Nicole Kidman plays a high-powered CEO who engaged in a sexual relationship with her much younger intern, played by Harris Dickinson. Finally, this is a film that presents a nuanced and refreshingly authentic exploration of BDSM dynamics, departing from the glamorised or sensationalised portrayals prevalent in mainstream cinema.

Instead of focusing on elaborate dungeons or expensive toys, Babygirl emphasises the psychological impacts of power exchange and the emotional journey of accepting one’s desires, depicting a grounded representation of individuals looking to explore kink within both established and new connections.

Babygirl’s strength lies in its portrayal of sexual awakening and the complexities of incorporating BDSM into your life. In its opening scene, Romy (played by Kidman) engages in vanilla sex whilst privately harbouring deeper desires, and Babygirl masterfully captures this common experience. Romy’s immediate reality establishes a foundation of authenticity for lots of people; particularly women who, upon reaching a certain point in their life, question if they’ve ever been sexually satisfied, before finally broadening their horizons and discovering an entirely new world of BDSM that encompasses mind-blowing, kinky experiences.

Romy embodies a familiar archetype within BDSM communities: the high-powered professional seeking release through submission. From CEO businessmen wanting to be treated like babies to domesticated mothers hoping to flex their dominance, the power BDSM has to subvert real-world responsibilities and allow catharsis through power exchange is very real. Babygirl excels in depicting the psychological aspects of this dynamic, showing how surrendering control can serve as a powerful form of liberation for those who maintain rigid control over their daily lives.

The most realistic aspect of the film? The awkwardness and uncertainty that often accompanies BDSM exploration. This is particularly evident in a scene with Romy’s husband, who giggles with discomfort when Romy requests more aggressive play; their fumbling communication mirrors real exchanges that many couples face when one partner expresses an interest in kink. Often, there is a lack of experience and confidence that makes it difficult to fulfil a partner’s needs. Although, as highlighted in Samuel and Romy’s relationship, for skilful domination emotional intelligence is equally, if not more, important.

That’s why the films treatment of emotional responses to BDSM is so important. In Romy, viewers witness complex physical and emotional reactions. From primal vocalisations to emotional releases through tears, it captures the therapeutic potential of BDSM. Additionally, Babygirl hints at the importance of aftercare, without explicitly naming it, through scenes where emotional nurturing follows intense encounters. It navigates dubious consent, showing the realistic progression of unhealthy BDSM relationships where boundaries and safe words are overlooked by first timers or bad communicators. Babygirl acknowledges that while explicit negotiation and hard limits are essential, many BDSM interactions rely on nuanced body language and developing intuitive understanding between partners. This is fairly realistic, although far from ‘the perfect guide to BDSM’.

Babygirl succeeds in depicting a BDSM journey that grows from initial attraction to deeper vulnerability, showing how trust and emotional intelligence become paramount in power exchange relationships. We also see the all-encompassing nature of BDSM, as the mere possibility of a power exchange, or singular instructive sentence, can heighten everyday interactions. This shows the intoxicating quality of living within these dynamics, as BDSM often adds an electric current to ordinary situations (particularly at work, adding to the feeling of being ‘bad’). However, Babygirl’s dramatic elements, including infidelity and deception, deviate from healthy BDSM practices; you must always play in a consensual, mature way, prioritising honest communication.

More than that, Babygirl successfully portrays BDSM as a legitimate form of sexual expression, rather than a pathology to be cured or phase to be outgrown. Like Romy, this eye-opening journey often begins with the belief there is something wrong with us (the desire to be degraded or hurt, for example), and ends with shamelessly owning our desires. It’s a joy to hear Romy say in one of her final lines ‘If I want to be humiliated, I’m gonna pay someone to do it.’ reflecting the acceptance of her wants. This also presents a healthy nod toward experiencing BDSM with professionals who accept your desires without judgement, know how to read your body, and will keep you safe.

Ultimately, while Babygirl takes certain cinematic liberties, it offers one of the more nuanced and realistic portrayals of BDSM exploration in contemporary cinema; successfully capturing the psychological and emotional aspects of power exchange relationships, the awkwardness of initial exploration, and the journey to accepting our own desires. For those with BDSM fantasies, I hope Babygirl helps them celebrate and accept these desires – you’ll be so glad you did.

Bethany Burgoyne is a leading sexpert from JOYclub, an adult community with over 6M members.