How would your best friend act if you told them you were in love with them? Much like mine, I imagine. An awkward laugh, a ‘go away’, or maybe they’d be so confused they wouldn’t quite know what to say, particularly if this was the start of a complete sexuality switch. And so it leaves you in a rather awkward situation: you’ve just been rejected, you’ve most likely lost that friend, and you’ve finally admitted that you have feelings for women – despite always being totally ‘straight’ only six months before. 

What caused this sudden realisation of love? That’s the question I, and everyone around me, wanted to know. After eight years of friendship, girls’ holidays, shared dating stories and stints as roommates, it would be an understatement to say it came as a surprise. Yet, the one and only variable factor was clear: I’d just come off of the pill. 

While I didn’t quite believe it at first, it seems the tiny tablet that had done away with my debilitating period pains, cleared up my teenage acne and protected me from getting pregnant for the past ten years was doing quite a bit more than I was aware of. In fact, along with a newfound attraction towards women, I was suddenly feeling new emotions, breaking free of my default feeling of ‘fine’. This was, you can imagine, rather tricky to navigate as a now-grown woman. Bursting out crying because your boss doesn’t love your idea will get you some strange looks, even more so if you’re known to be ‘so laidback you’re almost horizontal’. Embarrassing, to say the least.

I also had a sex drive for the first time. Having just gone through (dare I say it) lockdown without once thinking about touching another person in two years, it was now often the only thing on my mind. Much like a teenage boy, my hormones were guiding my every move. Yet, my story, although perhaps rather extreme, isn’t exactly unique. A quick ask on Instagram of ‘how did the pill affect you?’ received countless responses. From complete changes in sex drive to a sudden shift in who they were attracted to, and even one development of such extreme anxiety to cold sores (despite never having one) that she rarely went outside, women came forward in droves to me, each with a more shocking story than the last. 

Freelance journalist Olivia Perl shared, ‘I was on the pill for just over three years, and the whole time I was on it, my sex drive was really low. I came off the pill and immediately had a sex drive, and more than that, the sex was so much better – nothing else had changed, my partner was the same’. She added, ‘I couldn’t believe how stark the difference was. I was never horny, to the point that I was wondering, “am I even attracted to my boyfriend?” Which sounds really bad because I was, as I found out when I came off’. But Olivia certainly isn’t alone in this experience. In fact, this was the most common response to my question. The contraceptive pill is even listed as a key factor for loss of libido on the NHS website.

In a perhaps even more alarming response, poet and dating expert Rebecca Archer shared another side effect I also relate to. ‘When I was on the pill, I was like a muted version of myself. Then, when I was having my natural cycle again, I felt like I saw the world in full colour, and I suddenly had a voice and opinions. It was really liberating for me to come off of those hormones. Whatever it was doing to me, it felt like it was suppressing my personality’. While another woman admitted to being ‘definitely more attached to masc presenting women the year coming off of it’. 

So, all of these striking side effects left me to wonder: did the pill cause my own queer revelation? To help provide an answer, Sandy Christiansen, lead fertility coach and clinical embryologist at Béa Fertility, says, ‘many factors drive sexual preferences, hormones being one of them. With the hormonal contraceptive pill suppressing natural hormones, it’s completely possible that when this leaves our system and we start ovulating again, we can reach our sexual peak and find that our preference is different from what we’ve previously felt’. 

Intimate health, hormone health and women’s wellness issues expert Dr Shirin Lakhani echoes this idea, saying ‘the contraceptive pill does suppress women’s natural hormone cycle, which can influence which characteristics you deem attractive in a partner, as well as affect a woman’s libido, which could in turn affect their sexual preferences and behaviours’. However, she highlights the core overarching issue, ‘there just isn’t enough evidence out there to come to a complete conclusion, unfortunately. There needs to be more research into the matter and into women’s relationship with the contraceptive pill in general’. 

My issue, however, as someone who was on the contraceptive pill from the age of 14 to 24 to help curb painful period symptoms, which were later diagnosed as adenomyosis, is that I’d never given much thought to my sexual preference before being given the prescription. While my friends spent their teenage years experimenting with different partners and starting to form their adult identities, I pushed through with pill-clouded judgment, following the norm of dating boys without much enthusiasm and certainly without any thought of non-male potential partners. 

Dr Lakhani explains, ‘if a woman begins taking the contraceptive pill at a very crucial age where she may be developing sexual preferences and feelings, then this may be affected by the change in hormones’. Continuing this idea, Eleanor Hoath, a registered nutrition therapy practitioner and founder of Well Nourished, notes the pill was probably numbing my true emotions. ‘After discontinuing the pill, some individuals may reconnect with their natural inclinations that may have been numbed for such a long time by these artificial hormones. It can almost be seen as a bit of an “awakening,” which might feel like a shift’. This certainly seems like the most plausible answer; the attraction to women was probably always there, yet massively dampened down alongside my sex drive and a fully developed sense of self. 

Yet, despite its clear downfalls, many women rely on the pill to reduce their risk of unwanted pregnancy or, much like my case, reduce the pain that can come from often-diagnosed menstrual conditions. So, what’s the solution? All experts stress that if you have concerns with your contraceptive pill, seek medical advice – there are plenty of other forms of contraception available, although many also include hormones. If you’re on the pill for a menstrual condition, diet and lifestyle are known to play an important factor, while Christiansen adds that ‘tranemaxic acid can help reduce heavy periods for women with endometriosis and mefenamic acid (a type of NSAID/nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug) can help reduce inflammation and pain associated with heavy bleeding’. And Hoath encourages people looking to come off of the pill to do so with guided expert help to reduce any unwanted side effects. 

However, if the contraceptive pill is still the best solution for you, perhaps take a break from it before committing to one partner just to double-check they’re certainly the person you’re most attracted to. I’m certainly not the only person to have given their best friend the side eye – and, in case you were wondering, it turned out to be the best admission of love I’ve ever made.After the initial shock wore off, my best friend finally agreed to give dating a go and two years later, we’ve never been happier.