Lying is part of the human condition. From children caught red-handed in the biscuit tin to partners claiming they are ‘fine’ when their body language tells a different story, deception takes many forms. In my work as a therapist and divorce coach, I often meet people wrestling not only with what was said, but with what they felt was left unsaid.

Most of us think we can spot a lie, yet when it matters most, when our heart is on the line or our trust is wobbling, our inner compass can spin wildly. What if, instead of jumping to conclusions, we learned to check our instincts the way we check whether the milk has gone off?

We do not just look at the milk. We smell it. We rely on more than one sense. When it comes to honesty, we need to do the same, observe, listen, and feel. Here are divorce and break up coach, pyschotherapist and conflict resolution specialist Eve Stanway’s seven psychological signs that someone might be lying…

1. Overcompensating with too much detail

A liar often tries to sound convincing by providing elaborate, unnecessary detail. Rather than a straightforward answer, they provide a long, roundabout explanation. The truth is usually clean and simple. Lies often come dressed in too many words.

2. Avoiding ‘I’ statements 

People who lie often distance themselves from what they are saying. Instead of saying, ‘I lost the bag,’ they might say, ‘The bag got lost.’ It is subtle, but it removes personal responsibility. If you feel someone stepping away from their own story, lean in with curiosity.

3. Changing the subject too quickly

Dodging discomfort is common when someone is being dishonest. If your question is met with deflection, humour, or blame – ‘Why are you asking me this?’ – it may be a sign that the truth feels too much to face.

4. Micro-expressions that don’t match the words 

Our faces often give us away before our words do. A flicker of anger during a denial, or a momentary look of fear followed by a forced smile, can signal an internal tug-of-war between truth and presentation. These expressions are fast, but if something feels off, it probably is.

5. Repeating the question before answering

This is a classic stalling tactic. ‘Did I say that? Did I say that…’
Repeating the question gives the brain a moment to invent a more convincing answer. While not conclusive on its own, paired with other signs, it may indicate that something is being constructed.

6. Inconsistencies in the story

Truth tends to stay the same. Lies evolve. If someone’s version of events shifts depending on who they are talking to, or if you notice contradictions emerging, it might be time to ask yourself why the story keeps changing.

7. Emotion that does not quite fit the situation

Words and feelings usually dance together. When someone says, ‘Of course, I am telling the truth,’ but does so with a blank face or overly stiff body, something may be amiss. Our bodies are often more honest than our mouths.

So, what to do with all this?

Just like sniffing the milk before pouring it, truth detection works best when you check from more than one angle. Listen to the words. Notice the tone. Tune in to how your body feels in the presence of this person. Do you feel at ease? Or slightly out of sync? For example, imagine someone says, ‘I promise I didn’t speak to them again,’ and then avoids your gaze, provides unnecessary details, and bristles when you calmly ask follow-up questions. You may not have hard evidence, but your inner senses are signalling a mismatch.

In my coaching work, I help people rebuild the connection with their own emotional radar. Too often, we dismiss our instincts in favour of logic or people-pleasing. Yet your body remembers things your mind might explain away. The stomach drop. The dry mouth. The tension in your shoulders. None of these are proof, but together they are like the sour smell of gone-off milk, which isn’t something you want to ignore.

The goal is not to become a lie detector, but rather to become more connected to yourself. These signs are not accusations, they are signals. They invite us to pause, ask thoughtful questions, and listen not just to the answers but to what lives underneath.

Eve Stanway is a divorce and break-up coach, psychotherapist and conflict resolution specialist based in the UK. She helps people manage emotional overwhelm, build clarity, and speak up in life’s most challenging conversations.

Her online course, Navigating with the Heart, supports parents in helping their children navigate separation and divorce with tools, workbooks and live coaching. Her upcoming book, Conversations at the Shoreline, delves into how to have life’s toughest conversations. Visit www.evestanway.co.uk to find out more.