Non-monogamy is still something a lot of people find difficult to comprehend. Are there any rules? What about the jealousy? Is there ever any guilt?

The umbrella term describes relationships where partners are not sexually and/ or romantically exclusive to each other. Consensual non-monogamy comes in many forms, including polyamory, open relationships, swinging and polyfidelity. It is often misunderstood in popular culture – both from a lack of trying and because people find non-conformity threatening. However, new research from La Trobe University is a PR win for non-monogamy. It shows that most couples’ happiness levels are not affected by whether they are in a monogamous relationship or not.

‘Our findings show that non-monogamous individuals experience relationship and sexual satisfaction on par with those in monogamous relationships, challenging the myth that monogamy is inherently superior,’ said Dr Joel Anderson, the first author of the study.

‘While monogamy works well for many, others find connection, fulfilment, and wellbeing through non-monogamous relationships.’ Non-monogamy is practiced in various parts of the world including the Himalayan areas of India, Nepal and Tibet, the Marquesas Islands in the South Pacific, and among indigenous groups like the Yanomamo in South America and the Inuit in the Arctic, but it is still a long way off being mainstream in Europe, Australia or North America.

There are a growing number of couples in the public eye, however, who are helping to challenge misconceptions about non-monogamy. RuPaul’s Drag Race star, Michelle Visage, is one such person. She has credited her ‘open relationship’ with her husband-of-28 years, David Case, for making her marriage stronger and says they allow each other to do whatever they want in order to be happy.

Dolly Parton has always said the same – she was married to Carl Dean, who died earlier this month, for nearly 60 years, but they always kept their relationship ‘open’ and had an unspoken don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are another well-known open couple who believe the ‘freedoms’ they give one another are ‘the highest definition of love’.

It turns out they might well be right. The team at La Trobe found that there is no conclusive evidence to suggest monogamous relationships are happier ones, with some studies arguing that monogamous couples have greater relationship satisfaction and others suggesting the opposite. Most studies, the team noted in the Journal of Sex Research, found no difference at all.

‘The overall effect estimate showed no significant difference in relationship satisfaction for non-monogamous individuals compared with monogamous individuals,’ the team concluded, adding that their findings held for heterosexual and LGBTQ+ participants.

As for intimacy and sexual satisfaction – integral parts of any healthy relationship – the team reaped similar results in this area too. Despite some research suggesting that polyamory and swinging were associated with greater sexual satisfaction, the analysis revealed no overall difference between non-monogamous and monogamous relationships.

Of course, as with any research based on a sample of individuals, the study has its limitations. The study is based on data from 35 pieces of research involving more than 24,000 participants, dating from between 2007 and 2024, the majority of which were carried out in parts of Europe, Australia and North America.

All participants were in relationships, and between 4% and 69.9% of them were non-monogamous, depending on the study. The research did not look at serial monogamy or affairs.

Anderson also pointed out that the different types of non-monogamous relationships were not considered in many of the studies. Several of them also relied on self-reporting, which can be biased, and some countries and cultures were not represented in the analysis and might have differing perspectives on non-monogamy.

Even so, what does the study tell us? That relationship satisfaction comes from good communication, connection and the ability to meet each other’s needs, rather than structure. Defying the stereotypes that non-monogamous people have better sex lives, and their monogamous counterparts are happier in their relationships, this study proves that nothing is that simple. There is no one size fits all definition of a happy partnership – nor should there be.

As polyamory expert Elisabeth A. Sheff says, there is even bias towards non-monogamy amongst therapists, let alone society at large. ‘Non-monogamy is cast as a sign of a problem, something that should be solved instead of celebrated or explored.

‘In a culture that is already bent on shaming and humiliating sex and gender minorities, the last thing polyamorous and other consensual non-monogamous folks need is therapists who react negatively to their non-monogamous relationships,’ she continued. ‘Adverse reactions only reinforce the shame and self-loathing most unconventional clients have to grapple with because of their inability or unwillingness to fit into social norms.’

The study, then, is a breath of fresh air. ‘This highlights the need to move beyond mononormative assumptions around relationships and families and to create space – socially, culturally and professionally – for the full spectrum of relationship possibilities,’ concluded Anderson. ‘When people are supporting to build the kids of relationships that work for them, everyone benefits.’

Let’s hope that this research is a step in the right direction – encouraging people to be more accepting of one another’s choices and less superior about their own. After all, the research speaks for itself.