When Pitch Perfect star Anna Camp first announced her new relationship with girlfriend Jade Whipkey last month, most people celebrated the news that the actress was publicly dating a woman for the first time. After all, Anna had previously been married to actor Michael Mosley and her Pitch Perfect co-star Skylar Austin. But as Anna and Jade made their red carpet debut together at the Los Angeles premiere of Anna’s new film, Bride Hard, last week, it was a different aspect of their dynamic that people focused on. Seeing them side by side, social media users instead fixated on the fact that Anna is 42, while stylist and designer Jade is 24.

From long-standing partnerships with a significant space between their ages (Michael Douglas, 80, and Catherine Zeta-Jones, 55) to the hottest new celebrity couples (Bradley Cooper, 50, and Gigi Hadid, 30), nothing gets people angry online quite like a celebrity age-gap relationship. Anna’s romance with Jade, who she first revealed she was dating back in May, brought out the familiar talking points: that the relationship was inappropriate, strange, and even reflected an abuse of power. “I’m in my mid 30s and I can’t imagine having the necessary common ground to start a relationship with a 20-year-old. What could they possibly have in common?” one Instagram commenter wrote.

But not here for criticism of her new relationship, Anna leapt to her and Jade’s defence. “I’ve dated men exactly my age and Jade is FAR more mature than any of them,” she commented on an Instagram post by LGBTQ+ publisher Pink News. “We have more in common than anyone else I’ve ever dated and can literally talk about anything and everything.” Anna then added: “Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I’m wishing everyone well 🙂 Especially this Pride month.”

Age-gap discourse is a well worn subject, and often brings out strong emotions in others around gender, power, and money. Legally, as long as both parties are consenting adults, there’s nothing technically wrong with dating someone older or younger than you. But for many, there’s an imbalance inherent to a relationship like this – one where the relationship can never be equal. Of course, the longer the relationship lasts and as the couple age together, that criticism often lessens. Like many of Hollywood’s most notable age-gap relationships, Douglas and Zeta-Jones faced criticism at the start of their courtship, but have proven many of the naysayers wrong by sticking with each other for 25 years.

The words in Anna’s comment feel familiar. It’s not uncommon for the older party in age-gap relationships to talk about their partner’s emotional maturity, or the younger one to talk about how similar they feel in terms of age. These arguments can make some people uncomfortable, yet at the same time, others say that to refuse to consider both people to be adults is to “infantilise” them. “So ‘love is love’ until there’s an age gap? They’re both adults,” one person commented, while another echoed: “24 is ADULT age, they are grown ADULTS.”

But when Anna compared her relationship with Jade to those with men she’s dated in the past, she raised an interesting point: that queer age-gap relationships are not the same as straight ones, and should be treated as such. For one thing, they’re far more common. According to the 2021 US census, five percent of married same-sex couples were more than 20 years apart in age, compared to just one percent in heterosexual marriages.

One of Hollywood’s most high profile lesbian couples, Holland Taylor, 82, and Sarah Paulson, 50, have a 32-year age gap between them. American Horror Story star Paulson has herself acknowledged the public’s reaction, but refused to let it bother her. “For many, our age difference is very disconcerting,” she told El País in February. “That’s why I like to represent something so positive and unconventional, because living by predetermined social norms is boring, and why would you follow a path that isn’t yours?”

Power dynamics are undeniably different when both parties are the same gender. Commenting on Anna and Jade’s love, one social media user argued that age gap relationships in queer relationships “don’t often elicit the same power imbalances as hetero relationships, given we live in a patriarchal society that prioritises men being in power and women being objectified. Healthy queer relationships don’t prescribe to those heteronormative gender dynamics.” Or, as another jokingly put it in a much-liked comment: “Many don’t understand that being a controversially young girlfriend is the lesbian dream.”

Of course, that doesn’t mean that there are no issues at all. Gender might not be causing friction in their relationship, but many have pointed out that Anna being a star in the entertainment industry, while Jade is early in her career and works behind the scenes does suggest an imbalance. But this is also Anna’s first public relationship with a woman after decades of dating men; in some ways, she can be seen as the less experienced party.

Human relationships are always going to be complicated, which is why broad statements that all age-gap romances are in their very nature bad can rankle some people. But they also show that the discourse lacks nuance – particularly when it comes to queer relationships which have their own power dynamics to contend with. Ultimately, age-gap relationships will spark discussion, and Anna knows this. In saying that “everyone is entitled to their opinion” rather than telling people to back off her relationship, she invites all of us to question the things we believe and think more critically. That can only be a good thing.