The lies told about female masturbation are holding us back

An expert is busting the biggest myths…

Words by Charley Ross

Woman in bed

The damaging myths around female bodies and our health know no bounds. One huge source of shame and stigma in this area is masturbation.

According to a 2021 study found that around 37% of women had masturbated in the last month. But they’re doing it less often than men – 60% of men have masturbated in the last month compared to 37% of women.

This is at least partially due to the stigma surrounding female masturbation, which is exacerbated by myths around how often we should be doing it, as well as how exactly we should be doing it. Luckily, Dr. Jen Claude has taken to YouTube to put this damaging assumption to bed once and for all.

‘I’ve got some perhaps good news for you,’ she said. ‘Before I give you the answer let me remind you that masturbation is perfectly fine, okay? Masturbation actually can be a very healthy part of overall life and fulfilment, so I don’t want you to think that masturbation is not okay.’

According to Dr Claude, the ‘truth of the matter is: masturbate as much as you want’, because there’s ‘no hard and fast answer’

There really is no limit when it comes to how often you should pleasure yourself. It really depends on you and your body.

‘There’s not a top limit threshold. It’s nothing like ‘oh you can’t masturbate more than this amount of times,’ there’s not a lower threshold, there’s not a number of times in a day, a week, a month,’ she explained.

‘Certain people masturbate multiple times a day, some people masturbate only certain times every few months depending on whatever. Some people masturbate when they’re in a certain mood, some people masturbate at other times, it just depends.’

She was quick to state, however, that masturbation should not affect your ability to interact with the outside world, and be present in your relationship with others.

‘The only caveat [is] you can masturbate as much as you want so long as it doesn’t interfere with your daily life; it doesn’t interfere with your mental wellbeing, it does not interfere with your relationships; interfere with your ability to go to your job or lead a happy, healthy, productive.

‘In certain situations you can see how masturbation becomes compulsive, in which case we say that you need to be evaluated, you need to discuss this with a licensed professional, okay?’

This isn’t the only female masturbation myth making its rounds. It’s also become some form of very incorrect consensus that if you use a vibrator sex toy ‘too often’ it will densensitise your clitoris and make orgasm harder to achieve. This myth has been unfortunately named ‘dead vagina syndrome’. Experts have stated this ‘syndrome’ is completely false, as well as harmful.

‘it’s absolutely false.’

“The idea that you could end up numbing the nerves in your vagina and be unable to have an orgasm is absolutely false,” Dr. Leah Millheiser, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Programme at Stanford Medical School told the Sexual Health Alliance.

Experts have added that such a term is a fear-mongering tool and absolutely not part of any medical understanding of the vagina and female masturbation. It also underscores how little we understand our anatomy and pleasure.

Professional sexologist Jill McDevitt also told the Sexual Health Alliance that ‘dead vagina syndrome’ ​​is a result of the way ‘society feels and teaches women to feel uncomfortable with the idea of women experiencing pleasure for the sake of pleasure and getting themselves off.’

This issue – and much of the shame and stigma surrounding female masturbation more generally – begins with a severe lack of focus on women’s solo pleasure from the very beginning of our conversations around sex, which often start with our sex education in schools.

Young girls aren’t taught about sexual pleasure through their own individuals means of achieving it. Most often, sex education in the UK is taught through a prism of misogyny, meaning that young girls are taught how sex affects them when it comes to pregnancy and partnered sex, but the rest of the world of female sexuality is either not mentioned at all or shrouded in secrecy, shame and stigma.

This leads to the pervasive nature of these myths, teaching us to minimise our own access to our pleasure, and feel less confident and empowered when it comes to how we go about finding that pleasure.

Other unhelpful lies we’ve been told include: masturbating with a vibrator is addictive and will ruin partnered sex, that masturbation is for single people alone and masturbation as an activity is not just limited to male sexual habits. All of these assumptions and internalised beliefs are part of a wider web of patriarchal norms that are standing in the way of women finding true sexual liberation.

Every single one of these myths need busting, so that female pleasure can be something that we can champion, and feel empowered to pursue without shame or fear.

Photos: Getty