I became a sugar baby by accident. I was working in retail at the time, and I’d never even considered sugar babying, or doing any similar work. An older man came into the shop one day, and we got talking. We had a great conversation – it came very effortlessly. He was 57 at the time and I was 19, so at first, I didn’t think much of it. He asked me for lunch, and we started hanging out more. At one point, I told him I was going to college, and he went away and looked up the applications and how much they cost. He paid for my application without asking, and that was how it all began.

Six years on, I’ve had my fair share of sugar daddies. Seeking out rich men wasn’t part of the plan. I was raised by a single father, who told me to work hard and build a life where I could support myself. But I quickly realised that I liked being taken care of by men much more. I was a virgin when I met my first sugar daddy, and didn’t sleep with him or even kiss him. He ended up leaving the country, and after that I had a bit of a sexual awakening. I lost my virginity a year after and started exploring my identity. Once I’d had a taste of what it was like to date a rich man, I knew I’d find it difficult to go back to dating men my age.

Being a sugar baby isn’t all about money and sex – that’s a common misconception people have. I have a high standard for sugar daddies, and I pick them like I would a boyfriend. There must be good conversation, mutual respect, and manners – right down to the small things. One sugar daddy wouldn’t allow the waiter to hand him the menu first, insisting he ‘hand it to the lady first. That’s the type of treatment I expect now.

In my experience, it’s also not an absolute requirement to have sex with your sugar daddy. Over the years, I’ve built some fantastic bonds, and even friendships, with the men I’ve dated. How you approach sex all comes down to your personality. It’s important to be sure of your boundaries and have a certain type of confidence in your relationship. I’m working on a mentorship program for girls who want to become sugar babies, and the first four weeks is only focused on the girl; her look, her personality and what makes her feel like she can run the world.

It also incorporates how to flirt with men, which is a key skill. I tell girls to start small, with someone at the mall or at the bar. When they’ve built up their confidence, they can work their way up to rich and powerful men. Over time, you learn how important it is to be able to hold your own. I’ve made a hell of a lot of mistakes throughout my time as a sugar baby, which is the main reason why I share advice to other girls on social media. Most of these are about the first date. You can tell a lot about the man on the first date, figuring out if you can go further with the relationship or if you’ll be wasting your time.

My top tip is to always discuss money in the first face-to-face conversation, and no later than the second date. Even if you don’t mention a specific amount of money on the first date, you need to drop in that it’s important, so he knows what he’s getting into. It could be as simple as ‘I love taking care of myself. I love men who spend on me. It could be you if you were so lucky.’

The second tip is to never go home with a man unless conversations about money have been agreed on. Even better if he’s already sent it into your bank account. It’s not so much about withholding sex in general, but keeping something back on the first date is crucial. From there, it’s up to you how you approach it.

The third is to observe his body language. If anything gives me even the remotest idea that it’s a waste of time, I don’t go there. For example, if you’re talking about money and he starts to lean back, or has less than encouraging words, such as ‘you shouldn’t rely on a man’, he might not be the right one for you. You want to be on the lookout for positive encouragement, them agreeing with when you speak about money, or making positive statements such as, ‘I would have to make sure you are always taken care off.’

The same goes for safety. You should always walk away from a date if you sense something isn’t right. It’s very important to keep the control that you have.

It’s easy to glamorise being a sugar baby, but it comes with its downsides. From dinners to nights out, holidays to texting, you’re always switched on. There isn’t much downtime, and unless you’re careful, that can start to impact you. It’s not a job you clock out of. Even if you get home from one date, you might have five other men texting you. Sometimes it dawns on you that these are no normal relationships. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, but all this has led me to come out a tougher cookie on the other side.

When it comes to the perks, they are clearly big. I’m not an excessive spender, but over the years I’ve been gifted countless designer items, from Louboutin heels to couture Valentino. Sugar babying has paid for my college degree, a house and designer clothes. It’s important not to go crazy with spending, especially in the first six months to a year. I always advise new sugar babies to stock up as much money as they can. This helps you to feel more relaxed, powerful and gives you more of an even footing on dates. 

I’m not interested in relationships with men my age anymore. Sure, they’re attractive, but can they treat me as well as an older, wealthy man can? I’m almost certain the answer is no, and men my age often come with more trouble than they’re worth. However, I do have a limit. As a rule, I don’t date anyone over 60 or anyone under 40. I also avoid married men, both for ethical reasons and because they just don’t have the same amount of time to give to me.

As for the future? I’m living abroad right now, because I’ve told myself I need a little break from sugar babying, but even here I can’t help turning my head every time I see a rich man. I’m not sure where I will end up, but I’m grateful for everything sugar babying has given me so far. Now, I’m focusing on creating an online community where sugar babies, old and new, can share advice and lift each other up.