Cheating. It sucks, but unfortunately, it’s a topic as old as time, from extra-marital affairs portrayed in literature to illicit, on-screen hook-ups in popular culture. Need we remind you of Carrie Bradshaw hooking up with Big behind Aidan’s back in season three of Sex and The City. Or Chad Michael Murray’s One Tree Hill character Lucas Scott, who was an egregious cheater.

But it’s common off-screen too. Because of how controversial cheating is, it’s hard for studies to gauge how prevalent it is. According to various studies, around 20% of married men and 13% of married women report cheating on their spouses, meaning roughly one in five marriages experiences infidelity at some point.

One of these people is Clara*. She cheated on her ex-boyfriend, who was five years older than her, multiple times when they were together as teenagers and managed to get away with it. ‘It was always when I was on nights out with my friends. Many of them didn’t approve of the relationship due to the age gap, so I was encouraged to cheat if I ever met anyone I liked as I was still so young, and he was quite possessive. He didn’t want me to move into university halls and be surrounded by new people,’ she says. ‘It was always with boys who were closer to my age.’

In a survey by Emucasino study, participants were questioned on whether they had kept their infidelity a secret. Over one in five respondents revealed they waited over a month to tell their partner. Over one in ten never ended up telling their partner what they had done, while 9 per cent kept their infidelity a secret from their partner for less than a month.

In the survey, people were only asked at what point did the respondents reveal their infidelity to their partner, which doesn’t account for those who got caught in the act. The data also showed that 7.8 per cent of respondents hid their infidelity for between one and three months and 4.8 per cent hid it for over a year.

Clara explains she didn’t think about her ex-boyfriend at the time she was cheating, because she was ‘young’ and just ‘living life as a young adult’ but admits she ‘would always be consumed with guilt afterwards.’ She said she never told him about the cheating, and was confident he wouldn’t find out because, due to the age gap in their relationship, they mixed in different circles. ‘I did eventually tell him about one, as I wanted to split with him anyway and ended up with the person I cheated with. I mainly told him because he wouldn’t have let me go otherwise,’ she adds.

For the most part of the relationship, Clara decided to keep her infidelity a secret because she doesn’t think ‘passing on the guilt to someone else is helpful.’ She adds ‘I always wanted to stay with him anyway, until it got to the point where I couldn’t be with him any longer due to the possessiveness and being in different stages of life. He wanted kids by the time I was starting university and that wasn’t what I wanted at all.’ However, there were some near misses. ‘I once cheated all the way as had gone back to a male friends’ house after a night out and he couldn’t get hold of me and knew I wasn’t home,’ she said. 


Of course, there’s no denying that cheating sucks, and no one wants to be cheated on. But unlike the black and white way it’s often portrayed in the movies, there’s lots of reasons why people cheat. One 2021 study revealed a range of reasons, including anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance.

Looking back, Clara admits her ex-boyfriend ‘probably did cheat’ as well but would never admit to it. ‘I always had my doubts,’ she said. ‘I think I cheated as I felt trapped, and all my mates would pull on nights out so I wanted to.’

Of course, cheating also comes in many forms. There’s the obvious, physical type of cheating, that involves sexual contact with a third party. However, emotional affairs are also becoming more common (and accessible) thanks to social media. Broadly speaking, an emotional affair describes a situation in which someone in a relationship develops an important emotional connection with someone other than their partner, in a way that crosses a line without necessarily becoming physical. This could look like relying on them for advice, or leaving mildly flirty comments on their social media posts that don’t outright suggest anything, but would make your partner feel uncomfortable.

According to a YouGov study, around 15% of British adults reported engaging in emotional infidelity (forming an emotional connection with someone outside their relationship), while 44% of respondents considered such behaviour to be cheating. 

How does Clara look back now on her experiences of cheating, over ten years on? ‘I just feel like I was young and was with someone I shouldn’t have been with as he was so much older,’ she says.