This is the ‘ideal’ length of sex – and it’s shocking
Ever wondered what the norm is versus the ideal?
Words by Alice Hall
![Passionate young male and female couple having sex on floor at home, Passionate young male and femal Couple](https://flatplanplus.io/grazia/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2025/02/imago719889715-scaled.jpeg)
How long is your ideal sex session? It’s a question as old as time, and now a new study has broken down the average time sex lasts… and the results might surprise you. Or at least, the length of our average sex sessions versus how long we want it to be will!
The poll by Illicit Encounters found that the average length of sex is less than five minutes long, with the typical sexual encounter for the entire country taking four minutes and 38 seconds. And when it comes to quickies, they’re getting faster year on year. The study found that in the past year, quickies had dropped to just 120 seconds, compared to 150 seconds in 2023 – which represents half a minute of love making lost. It’s a far cry from ten years ago, when the average quickie lasted 180 seconds.
Now, what about our favourite time of day to get down to business? Unsurprisingly, Brits are most likely to have sex in the bedroom between 8pm and 11pm, which known as ‘the norm.’ Those that chose to have sex after midnight found their sessions lasting the longest, with hook ups typically lasting seven minutes and ten seconds. Meanwhile, those who have sex between 3pm-5pm take a little more time than usual, averaging 5 minutes 4 seconds, and usually choosing to get steamy in the bedroom.
This is just the latest in a long body of research that explores how long we really want things to last in bed. One study back in 2005 in the Journal of Sex Medicine asked a bunch of sex therapists for their opinions on how long sex should last. Their guidelines separated sex into four categories: adequate, too short, too long, and desirable. They rated penetrative vaginal sex that lasted from 1-2 minutes as ‘too short,’ and sex that lasted 10-30 minutes as ‘too long.’ Meanwhile, ‘adequate’ sex lasted 3-7 minutes and desirable sex lasted 7-13 minutes. Phew.
It’s not always straightforward though. While the movies would have us believe that marathon, all-night sex sessions are the steamiest type out there, there are multiple other factors to consider, such as how much foreplay happens, the orgasms, the connection to your partner, whether you are having penetrative sex, etc. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, who educated a generation of women about sex, a good sexual encounter should be ‘satisfying’ and ‘meaningful,’ rather than solely focused on duration – aka, quality over quantity. Research by online sex retailer Lovehoney found that 30 minutes is the ideal time for sex and foreplay. But although 40% of people said their ideal sex session would last more than 30 minutes, only 24% said they were actually getting it for that long.
‘The perfect length of a sex session depends on how much you fancy them’
‘For me, the perfect time for sex depends on the boy I’m with. I love a hot steamy romp with a fittie, but if I’m a bit meh about the person I’m seeing, I get bored,’ says Angelica*.
Poppy* is bisexual, and explains when she has sex with women, it tends to last ‘much longer’ than when she has sex with men. ‘There’s more to do, and I’m not always worrying about them getting overexcited and cutting it short,’ she says.
The topic has also garnered a lively debate online. One tweet from December asks ‘how long should a man last in bed?’, which has amassed over 1k replies which typically ranged from 5 to 45 minutes. ‘Until the woman is satisfied’ wrote one user. Another commented ‘There’s no specific time man, just go with the flow and don’t think too much about it. When it’s over, chill and do another round.. it’s get better.’
A third wrote ‘The best time a man should last in bed really depends on what feels right for both partners. It’s more about quality over quantity, focusing on mutual pleasure and satisfaction.’
Now to look at celeb world, If you’re Kourtney Kardashian, you could rack up sex sessions that last up to 90 minutes. Back in 2023, Kourtney revealed on an episode of The Kardashians that she and Travis Barker had sex for an hour and a half. ‘I’m so tired,’ Kourtney said, to which her younger sister Khloe replied, ‘Probably from having your 20-minute sex session downstairs.’ Kourtney said ‘Well, we had one this morning for like, an hour and a half, and I had one last night and the day before.’ When asked how she has sex for an hour and a half, Kourtney replied ‘You know, we’re just living our best lives.’
For James Blunt, sex can be a relatively shorter affair. He recently said his hit single You’re Beautiful is the ‘perfect’ song to have sex to…as it lasts just three minutes and 30 seconds. ‘The best song to have sex to…You’re Beautiful by James Blunt. It’s fantastic,’ he said.
Pornography may also be playing a part in our perceptions of how long sex ‘should’ last vs how long is realistic for most people, as it places an obsession on lasting longer. On an episode of Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO podcast, psychiatrist Dr Alok Kanojia and sexual health expert Dr Rena Malik discussed this exact topic.
‘If you look at the average [length] of sexual intercourse, it’s three to seven minutes,’ Dr Kanojia explained, adding that 50 percent of women he’d spoken to don’t want sex for ‘more than 15 minutes’. Dr Kanojia then highlighted how different this figure is to the length of some porn films. ‘”I see a lot of body dysmorphia,’ he said. ‘It’s like getting to that level in both men and women unrealistic expectations about body unrealistic expectations about performance that creates shame.’ Dr Malik added that the length of time needed to climax also differs, with the average man needing five to six minutes before ejaculation while a woman may take as long as 14 minutes.
So there you have it. There really is no perfect amount of time for sex, but there is PLENTY of opinions on it. The bottom line is, we’re a nation that loves having, and talking about, sex. Speaking about the results of the study, Jessica Leoni, a sex and relationship guru at Illicit Encounters, said ‘’It seems Brits like their romps like they like their tea – quick, satisfying, and at all hours of the day,’ adding ‘either way, whether it’s a pre-work perk-up or a lunchtime love-in, one thing’s for sure – Britain is definitely bonking around the clock!’
Photo: IMAGO