[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_divider color=”#111111″ divider_position=”center” divider_weight=”2px” module_class=”custom-divider” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text module_class=”intro-wrap” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|on||||||” text_text_color=”#808080″ text_font_size=”16px” text_orientation=”center” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
\u2026but only in Germany. In Britain, mothers are expected to soldier on. Polly Dunbar<\/i> reports<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/6\/2023\/07\/lead-img001.jpg” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” theme_builder_area=”post_content” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″ title_text=”lead-img001″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-gallery-caption” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Akshar|600|||||||” custom_margin=”-15px||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n Working mother Rachel is the Fleishman In Trouble, pushed to the brink<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” theme_builder_area=”post_content” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n In despair, she visited her GP, who referred her for a remarkable course of treatment that exists only in her native country, Germany. Every four years, burnt out German parents are entitled to a \u2018Kur\u2019, a three-week retreat where they receive physical and emotional therapy and practical advice. For most, it\u2019s funded entirely by insurance.<\/p>\n The Deutsches M\u00fcttergenesungswerk, a non-profit organisation that runs around 70 clinics across Germany, was established in the aftermath of WWII to help traumatised mothers. It has treated many women since (and some men, who are also entitled to a Kur), and now offers childcare \u2013 children go with parents and are in nursery or schooling most of the day, and there are activities for parents and kids to do together, meals and therapeutic activities such as yoga, as part of the package.<\/p>\n Since the pandemic, applications have soared, as have waiting lists. Director Yvonne Bovermann says, \u2018We are seeing more burnout than ever after that period, when parents were juggling full-time childcare with work, often with no support.\u2019<\/p>\n It\u2019s a similar story here. \u2018We\u2019re still dealing with trauma from lockdown,\u2019 says psychotherapist Anna Mathur, author of Raising A Happier Mother<\/i>, out in August. We\u2019re also contending with prohibitively expensive childcare, a cost-of-living crisis and, as Anna says, \u2018The expectations we place on ourselves to be perfect mothers.\u2019<\/p>\n It\u2019s no wonder burnout, defined by the charity Action for Children as \u2018feeling overwhelmed on a day-to-day basis\u2019, is so prevalent, with one recent study finding that 66% of parents meet the criteria. In Britain, there\u2019s a sense we\u2019re expected to soldier on, but in Germany, Kurs are intended to be preventative; to catch mental health issues such as anxiety and depression before they become debilitating.<\/p>\n Martina, 46, an executive assistant from Freiburg, went on her first retreat in 2013. \u2018It\u2019s amazing to have three weeks where you don\u2019t have to do any housework \u2013 you can just concentrate on yourself and your needs,\u2019 she says. \u2018You have time to think.\u2019<\/p>\n A team of experts including psychologists, paediatricians and social workers were on-hand to listen and offer strategies to make her life more manageable. She learned relaxation techniques and compared notes with other mothers, \u2018which made me feel less alone because they shared my problems\u2019.<\/p>\n Some of the most helpful sessions taught her to make seemingly small tweaks. \u2018Things like making sure I have one evening every week just for me; whatever happens, that\u2019s my time to do a yoga class,\u2019 she says. \u2018And asking for help \u2013 like building a team with other mums, so one afternoon I take their child and another, they take mine.\u2019<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” theme_builder_area=”post_content” header_2_font=”Libre Bodoni|||on|||||” header_2_text_align=”center” header_2_font_size=”40px” header_2_line_height=”1.2em” header_2_text_color=”#333333″ hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″ module_class=”custom-quote”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” theme_builder_area=”post_content” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n Martina says she entered the clinic \u2018feeling I\u2019d forgotten that it\u2019s a pleasure to have children, because before I went, it was just so hard and stressful.\u2019<\/p>\n Part of the process involves trying to unpick some of the messages women have internalised about motherhood \u2013 fuelled by social media, which is littered with idyllic (ie, unrealistic) images of parenthood. For those of us drowning in dirty laundry and plastic toys, or losing our cool despite our best efforts, it\u2019s easy to feel like a failure.<\/p>\n Anna says many modern mothers \u2018are trying to attain standards of parenting that are just not sustainable. We feel guilty about resting or accepting help, but when we\u2019re exhausted we find ourselves having a meltdown at the kids. Instead of taking it as a sign we need to slow down, we strive harder: \u201cTomorrow, I\u2019m going to plan some amazing stuff with them and be totally patient.\u201d And the cycle continues.\u2019<\/p>\n Yvonne, a midwife who went on two retreats before becoming their director, agrees. \u2018The clinics teach women to focus not only on their child but on their own needs,\u2019 she says. \u2018Some of it is about learning to say \u201cno\u201d or \u201clater\u201d. They don\u2019t have to entertain their children 24 hours a day \u2013 boredom can be very healthy.\u2019<\/p>\n Following her first Kur, Martina, whose children are now 15 and 13, went on two further retreats. One was to help her cope with her mother\u2019s progressive illness and the second was in 2020, after she was made redundant and her mother and mother-in-law both died within weeks of one another. \u2018I was feeling very down and went without the children to a clinic in the mountains,\u2019 she says. \u2018At first I was thinking, \u201cWhat am I doing here without my family?\u201d But then I had so much time to think and talk about everything that had happened and it was so helpful. When you have a lot to cope with, at some point you just need to recharge.\u2019<\/p>\n Research shows that the majority of patients see the retreats as beneficial, believing they helped them deal with problems and take better care of themselves.<\/p>\n The scheme may be unique to Germany but Anna, whose coaching course The Motherhood Reset also aims to help mothers find more balance, says that we can all apply its principles to combat burnout. \u2018Start to recognise rest as a gift to yourself and your children,\u2019 she says. \u2018Your ability to parent well relies on you valuing rest.\u2019<\/p>\n For Martina, learning to prioritise herself has been life-changing. \u2018I wanted to remember how to enjoy parenting, and taking care of myself means I can do that.\u2019<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_divider color=”#111111″ divider_position=”center” divider_weight=”2px” module_class=”custom-divider” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text module_class=”credit-texts” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|||on|||||” text_orientation=”center” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n PHOTOS:<\/b> INSTAR IMAGES<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" PARENTAL BURNOUT? THERE\u2019S A CLINIC FOR THAT\u2026\u2026but only in Germany. In Britain, mothers are expected to soldier on. Polly Dunbar reportsWorking mother Rachel is the Fleishman In Trouble, pushed to the brinkWHEN HER CHILDREN were three and five, Martina Stephan found herself struggling to cope. Her daughter was often in hospital with a recurring illness, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":156,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feature"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"jgerardo","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=155"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":161,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions\/161"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/156"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/6\/2023\/07\/portrait001-200x300.jpg\")
WHEN HER CHILDREN <\/span>were three and five, Martina Stephan found herself struggling to cope. Her daughter was often in hospital with a recurring illness, while her mother was also sick and in a nursing home. The pressure was so intense that, she says, \u2018I broke down.\u2019<\/p>\n\u2018YOUR ABILITY TO PARENT WELL RELIES ON YOU VALUING REST\u2019<\/span><\/h2>\n