{"id":198,"date":"2023-07-13T14:59:30","date_gmt":"2023-07-13T14:59:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/?p=198"},"modified":"2023-07-20T10:35:01","modified_gmt":"2023-07-20T10:35:01","slug":"relationship-red-flagsyou-should-never-ignore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/2023\/07\/13\/relationship-red-flagsyou-should-never-ignore\/","title":{"rendered":"RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGSYOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_divider color=”#111111″ divider_position=”center” divider_weight=”2px” module_class=”custom-divider” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-post-title” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”Black Han Sans|700||on|||||” header_text_align=”center” header_font_size=”46px” header_letter_spacing=”4px” custom_margin=”25px||5px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||true|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS
YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE…<\/b><\/span><\/h1>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_divider color=”#111111″ divider_position=”center” divider_weight=”2px” module_class=”custom-divider” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text module_class=”intro-wrap” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|600|on||||||” text_text_color=”#808080″ text_font_size=”16px” text_orientation=”center” global_colors_info=”{}”]With divorce rates expected to see their biggest spike in 50 years, Georgia Aspinall speaks to five women about the warning signs in their own marriages[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/6\/2023\/07\/lead0001.jpg” title_text=”lead0001″ force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]

THANKS TO NEW<\/span> \u2018no fault\u2019 divorces that make it easier for couples to legally separate, divorce rates are set to soar. But what are the signs a marriage is doomed? Here, divorced women reflect on the red flags that, with hindsight, they regret glossing over\u2026<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Black Han Sans|||on|||||” text_font_size=”18px” global_colors_info=”{}”]

\u2018HIS WORK AND FRIENDS ALWAYS CAME FIRST\u2019<\/b><\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”||on||||||” custom_margin=”-20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Amy*, 36, dance instructor<\/i><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]

If I\u2019m really honest, I spotted the red flag that would ultimately end our 12-year marriage about six months into our relationship. The honeymoon stage was bliss, then suddenly I started to play second fiddle to his work and social life. He began to neglect me and call me \u2018needy\u2019 if I complained. I kept telling myself it was temporary and hoping that the guy I\u2019d first met would return to me. I told myself that for 10 years. And when we finally got engaged in our 10th year I convinced myself marriage would solve everything. We were divorced within two years.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, he\u2019d make an effort for a week or so and that\u2019s what kept me going, but it felt like death by a thousand cuts. I\u2019m a dancer, a loud energetic teacher trying to bring out the power in my students, but in my private life I was quiet and meek. Eventually, I started to feel like a fraud. Feeling like one person at work and another in your marriage is unsustainable. Later than I\u2019d have liked, I realised I needed to leave if I wanted to live my most authentic life.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019d never put up with being minimised or cast aside. I\u2019ve learned to articulate my needs clearly and walk away sooner if I\u2019m not getting what I need.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Black Han Sans|||on|||||” text_font_size=”18px” global_colors_info=”{}”]

\u2018HE DIDN\u2019T LIKE ME SEEING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY\u2019<\/b><\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”||on||||||” custom_margin=”-20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Joanna*, 45, marketing specialist<\/i><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]

I was just 17 when I met my first husband, while he was 26. We enjoyed a whirlwind relationship. He was immensely affectionate and committed and would always go out of his way for me. It helped that I was welcomed warmly by his parents; his mother and I were particularly close. We moved in after a few months and, 10 months in, married, shortly after I turned 18.<\/p>\n

Soon after, I started to notice the first sign of trouble. He wasn\u2019t keen on me spending time with my friends or family. When my brother in New York invited me to visit him, even offering to pay for my flights as a birthday present, he told me he didn\u2019t want me to go. He was even funny about girls\u2019 nights out, and when I arranged one with my friends in London, he insisted on waiting at the hotel and spending the night with me.<\/p>\n

Eventually, I started to feel resentful towards him. His controlling behaviour escalated, talking down to me and making me doubt my decisions. One time, I told him I was applying for a promotion at work and his response was that I was \u2018delusional\u2019, that they\u2019d ever even consider me. I got the job in the end, and I ditched the man. Aged 24, I was officially a divorcee and I\u2019ve never looked back \u2013 now I\u2019m in a wonderful marriage with a man who supports me and I couldn\u2019t be happier.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/6\/2023\/07\/img0001.jpg” title_text=”img0001″ force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Black Han Sans|||on|||||” text_font_size=”18px” global_colors_info=”{}”]

\u2018HE WAS A SPENDTHRIFT\u2019<\/b><\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”||on||||||” custom_margin=”-20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]

Jessica*, 39, city council worker<\/i><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]

My first husband was my personal Svengali: smart, persuasive and, at five years my senior, older enough to make me feel slightly less worldly than he was. He always gave the impression he was wealthy \u2013 he loved nice cars and luxury holidays. But his wealth was actually smoke and mirrors.<\/p>\n

All his money came from credit cards and, after two years with him, I had a purse full of them myself. I\u2019d always been terrified of debt, but he knew all the financial lingo and was so convincing when he told me I was overcautious. Everything escalated when we bought a house together: he got us a 125% mortgage. The interest on the loan was huge, but again he persuaded me into thinking it was fine. Soon enough, we were in so much debt we couldn\u2019t afford our payments. The stress was a huge weight on our marriage and it prevented me from leaving for a long time.<\/p>\n

We had two children together and \u00a340,000 of debt by the time I decided enough was enough. He\u2019d change address constantly to avoid it, the buck then falling on me. It took me 10 years to pay it off but, in that time, I married a man who is financially savvy. Looking back, I wish I\u2019d trusted my instincts and put my foot down. It would\u2019ve saved me a lot of money and heartbreak.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row module_class=”fp-boxout” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ border_width_all=”8px” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″ custom_margin=”||20px||false|false”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Black Han Sans|||on|||||” text_font_size=”18px” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]

\u2018HE PRESSURED ME TO LOSE WEIGHT\u2019<\/b><\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”||on||||||” custom_margin=”-20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]

Harriet*, 55, lawyer<\/b><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]

The biggest red flag in my marriage came around 18 months after our second baby was born, when my husband started to comment on me not losing the baby weight fast enough. I was a busy lawyer with two children under three, and he bluntly said I should \u2018tell that to Elle Macpherson\u2019 when I said I didn\u2019t have the time or energy to work out. The minute men start telling you you\u2019re too fat or in some way unattractive, you know it\u2019s over. At first, I genuinely believed I had become unattractive (especially once our sex life died) but I soon realised there were plenty of men who were still attracted to me.<\/p>\n

That said, marriages are complex and mine ended for a multiplicity of reasons. I\u2019m not sure any singular instance is ever enough to know it\u2019s \u2018the end\u2019. Hindsight is wonderful and having that experience first-hand taught me exactly what I don\u2019t want in a partner, as well as what I do want. If that marriage hadn\u2019t ended, I wouldn\u2019t have had three more wonderful children and now a handsome younger husband who really loves and supports me.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row module_class=”fp-boxout” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px|true|true” hover_enabled=”0″ border_width_all=”8px” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″ custom_margin=”||20px||false|false”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Black Han Sans|||on|||||” text_font_size=”18px” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]

\u2018HE PUT ME ON A PEDESTAL\u2019<\/b><\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”||on||||||” custom_margin=”-20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]

Elizabeth*, 46, female empowerment coach<\/b><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]

When I met my ex-husband, I was 22 and he was 19, and I loved how sensitive and emotional he was. He\u2019d declare his feelings, engage in deep conversations and write me poetry. He loved romantic gestures, told me he couldn\u2019t live without me, put me on a pedestal so high I counted myself lucky.<\/p>\n

But soon that pedestal became a guise for his insecurities. He\u2019d say, \u2018I can\u2019t believe a guy like me got a girl like you,\u2019 and my ego ate it up. I didn\u2019t realise that he actually lacked confidence. I believed I deserved someone who thought they were lucky to have me, I thought that was what love was.<\/p>\n

We had three children, and that\u2019s when his insecurities started to cause problems. When I gave the kids my attention he felt neglected and over-analysed it. In the end, he turned to other women who could give him their undivided attention. He decided on divorce, while I think our marriage could\u2019ve survived had he been more secure.<\/p>\n

Now, the thing I look for in a partner is confidence \u2013 someone who views me as an equal rather than a prize he doesn\u2019t deserve.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider color=”#111111″ divider_position=”center” divider_weight=”2px” module_class=”custom-divider” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text module_class=”credit-texts” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|||on|||||” text_orientation=”center” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]

*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE…With divorce rates expected to see their biggest spike in 50 years, Georgia Aspinall speaks to five women about the warning signs in their own marriagesTHANKS TO NEW \u2018no fault\u2019 divorces that make it easier for couples to legally separate, divorce rates are set to soar. But what are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":201,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"no","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"FlatPlan","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=198"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":240,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/198\/revisions\/240"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}