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After sex expert Rebecca Dakin, 48, stopped enjoying casual sex, she decided to explore new horizons\u2026<\/p>\n
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I\u2019ve been single for the last seven years, but to be honest I\u2019ve spent most of my adult life \u2018uncoupled\u2019. I\u2019m naturally a very sexual person and was even a sex worker for about a decade, but I\u2019ve also gone through periods where casual sex just wasn\u2019t satisfying me. Like so many women, I went into \u2018performing mode\u2019 during sex, faking orgasms often, and realised I wasn\u2019t prioritising my own pleasure. <\/p>\n
For a time, I chose to stay celibate. I suppose I felt like I needed purifying, I was so disconnected from my body and my sexuality. But because I have such a high libido, I found the lack of sex I found affected my wellbeing and self-esteem. After a couple of boyfriends who had no interest in learning how to please me, I chose to embrace single life again and stay on my own until I reconnected to my body. <\/p>\n
What did that reconnection look like? I started with a series of workshops around the Divine Feminine (which work to give you a deeper connection with your body and release any trauma), yoni (vulva) massage and orgasm hypnosis, which helps women who struggle to orgasm. I even attended an intensive retreat in Bali with a female sexual healer. We stayed in the jungle surrounded by waterfalls.<\/p>\n
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There, I learned that regular masturbation is key to maintaining your libido. Just don\u2019t wait until you feel horny \u2013 read some erotic literature, or watch some ethical porn to get you in the mood for self-pleasure. I also swear by orgasm hypnosis, it teaches you to orgasm using only your mind (yes, without even touching yourself!) and I love a yoni massage (given by a practitioner). <\/p>\n
I feel emboldened to explore more of my fetishes now, which I had hidden for many years believing I was weird, so I use forums to find people with shared kinks. My desire now is to find an experienced dominant to explore my submissive side, and experiment with orgasm denial and bondage. <\/p>\n
Last year, I went to my first fetish club. It was just how you imagine debauchery in the fires of hell, ear pounding techno music, smoke, laser lights, naked bodies, masks, kinky clothes, spanking, sex, people doing everything, every which way. It was liberating to enjoy playing with open minded couples and being around a diverse range of people all with the combined interest of sex. I didn\u2019t have full sex with anyone mind, but there was lots of kissing and consensual touching. <\/p>\n
The great thing about being consistently single is that your sex life is only limited by your own imagination or desire, so you can be as open-minded as you choose to be. So, for those just at the start of their sexual liberation, I recommend yoni eggs as a good tool to practice connecting fully to your body and embracing your sexual energy. It\u2019s the most powerful energy we have, so harness it, don\u2019t suppress it! <\/p>\n