[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-post-title” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”Black Han Sans|700||on|||||” header_text_align=”center” header_font_size=”46px” header_letter_spacing=”4px” custom_margin=”25px||5px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||true|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text module_class=”credit-name” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Black Han Sans|||on|||||” text_text_color=”#000000″ header_4_font=”|||on|||||” header_4_text_align=”center” text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
Words by Polly Dunbar\u00a0 [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/flatplan-plus-content.s3.eu-west-1.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/6\/2024\/03\/GettyImages-1410065255.jpg” title_text=”I feel the most beautiful when I fall asleep next to you” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” min_height=”107px” custom_padding=”||0px|||” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Since the birth of their second child, Lila* has slept in a separate bedroom from her husband. He came home late from his job in events and she needed every second of sleep she could manage between night feeds, so it made sense for a few months. But their daughter is almost three, and the arrangement still stands.<\/p>\n \u2018Neither of us expected it to go on so long, but we talked about it recently and realised we prefer our own sleeping space,\u2019 says the 34-year-old. \u2018I think it benefits our relationship because we\u2019re better rested so I\u2019m thankful we have a spare room.\u2019<\/p>\n Once, \u2018sleep divorce\u2019 was synonymous with dying relationships: the agreement arrived at when the spark had long fizzled out, but practicalities such as children and shared finances made it too difficult to call it quits. In 2024, it\u2019s an increasingly popular choice among couples who are happy, but find sharing a bed with someone who might snore, hog the duvet or simply work to a different circadian clock than them gets in the way of a good night\u2019s slumber.<\/p>\n Cameron Diaz recently revealed the agreement she has with her husband, guitarist Benji Madden, saying: \u2018I will go and sleep in my room. You go sleep in your room. And we have a bedroom in the middle that we can convene in for our relations.\u2019 While this may be easier for a Hollywood star with many bedrooms to choose from, research by the National Bed Federation shows that 15% of British couples who live together are also sleeping apart, with 89% of them doing so in separate rooms.<\/p>\n Sleep is vital for wellbeing and not getting enough can impact us in a host of ways, from putting us more at risk of heart attack and stroke to increasing our chance of suffering depression and anxiety. In the short term, it makes us irritable and snappy with those around us \u2013 traits which don\u2019t usually contribute to harmonious relationships.<\/p>\n \u2018Couples who sleep separately often report that they sleep better, which means they feel better in general \u2013 less stressed, calmer, happier, more patient,\u2019 says psychotherapist and relationship coach Susie Masterson. \u2018That can obviously bring benefits to their relationship. But it\u2019s often assumed there are downsides in terms of sex and intimacy.\u2019<\/p>\n This was Lila\u2019s biggest fear when it dawned on her that her husband wasn\u2019t angling to get back into the marital bed. \u2018Even though I knew I preferred him sleeping in the spare room, I wondered if he had gone off me and that maybe we were condemning ourselves to never having sex again,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n \u2018We definitely do have sex a lot less than we used to, but we have two little kids so I guess that\u2019s normal. Those spontaneous nights where you\u2019re lying next to each other and the mood suddenly strikes don\u2019t happen any more \u2013 we have to plan sex if we want it to happen. We do it sometimes, but if I\u2019m honest, it\u2019s much easier to do if you\u2019re already in the same bed than if you have to schedule a time when your children aren\u2019t around and you aren\u2019t both exhausted.’<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text module_class=”custom-quote” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” header_2_font=”Libre Bodoni|||on|||||” header_2_text_align=”center” header_2_text_color=”#333333″ header_2_font_size=”40px” header_2_line_height=”1.2em” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n It’s not just sex that can be a casualty of sleep divorce, but a broader sense of closeness. For some couples, the snuggly chats they have in bed are their only ones uninterrupted by work, their phones and the frenetic pace of life in general.<\/p>\n Claire* says it\u2019s this aspect of her relationship with her partner that has suffered since they started sleeping in separate rooms six months ago, due to her sleep apnoea. \u2018I\u2019m not worrying about waking him up all the time, but I miss the random conversations we\u2019d have before we drifted off to sleep,\u2019 she says. \u2018We don\u2019t have children and our sex life is still good, but I don\u2019t feel quite as close to him as I used to.\u2019<\/p>\n Susie says the key to keeping a relationship healthy even if a couple chooses sleep divorce is communication. \u2018It doesn\u2019t have to be the case that intimacy takes a nose-dive because you sleep separately,\u2019 she says. \u2018Often, what chips away at that intimacy is a lack of open conversations about what you\u2019re doing and how you feel about it \u2013 that can lead to misunderstandings, for instance with one person thinking the other doesn\u2019t want to sleep with them, without actually asking.\u2019<\/p>\n To keep the intimacy alive, she says, \u2018I\u2019d advise making sure you have regular time alone, whether it\u2019s a date night or just a walk, so you can talk properly. When it comes to your sleeping arrangements, could you reintroduce some time in bed together to get those benefits sometimes? It doesn\u2019t have to be all or nothing.\u2019<\/p>\n For Lila, the idea she and her husband might never return to sharing a bed every night is a liberating one. \u2018I think we need to work on having more sex, but I don\u2019t think we need to sleep together,\u2019 she says. \u2018We\u2019re happier without it.\u2019<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n *Names have been changed<\/i><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_divider color=”#111111″ divider_position=”center” divider_weight=”2px” module_class=”custom-divider” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text module_class=”credit-texts” _builder_version=”4.20.4″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”|||on|||||” text_orientation=”center” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n IMAGE: GETTY<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Once, \u2018sleep divorce\u2019 was synonymous with dying relationships. But in 2024, the trend has taken off. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":4207,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4202","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feature"],"acf":[],"modified_by":"kschwarz","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4202","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4202"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4202\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4214,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4202\/revisions\/4214"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4207"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flatplanplus.io\/grazia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
<\/strong><\/p>\n‘I think we need to work on having more sex, but I don\u2019t think we need to sleep together,’<\/span><\/h2>\n