Have you ever been called a ‘pick me’ girl? Or are you over the age of 30 and have absolutely no idea what that even means? Rest assured, dear reader, we can help you – here’s everything to know about the misogyny-laced adjective plaguing social media.

What is a ‘pick me’ girl?

A ‘Pick Me Girl’ is an evolution of the ‘cool girl’, or the ‘not like other girls’ girl’. They seek male validation above all else, to the detriment of other women and often themselves.

The female foot soldiers of the patriarchy, their interests are designed solely to impress men (their opinions moulded to the man of the moment – be they sexist or not) and crucially, they have no time or respect for other women. As the name suggests, everything they do screams ‘PICK ME, CHOOSE ME, LOVE ME’ to the men around them. They’re women with so much internalised misogyny they might not even realise how mortifying their actions are.

Being so cringe then, making fun of ‘Pick Me Girls’ is an easy content opportunity for TikTokers. Mimicking their behaviour, many a content creator has gone viral for their ‘Pick Me Girl’ POV (point of view) videos. In fact,‘Pick Me Girl’ content is so popular it’s sparked intense Google search trends. ‘What is a Pick Me Girl?’ is consistently a breakout search term on Google, as well as ‘Pick Me Girl traits’, ‘Pick Me Girl meaning’ and – thankfully, or not as the case may be – ‘what is a Pick Me Boy’. Because that’s the thing, ‘Pick Me’ behaviour isn’t exclusive to women, women have just experienced the brunt of the trolling.

What is the origin of the ‘Pick Me Girl’ trend?

The term ‘Pick Me Girl’ first appeared on X in 2016 with the hashtag #TweetLikeAPickMe, with people mocking girls who called themselves ‘wifey material’, drawing attention to their traditionally ‘feminine’ virtues and habits. It’s an extension of the infamous scene in Grey’s Anatomy when Meredith Grey exclaims ‘Pick me, choose me, love me!’ To Dr Derek Shepherd (who, spoiler alert, does not go on to pick her). It’s a scene so awkward that Ellen Pompeo herself (who plays Grey) didn’t want to shoot it. Alas, the ‘pick me’ girl was born.

What are ‘Pick Me Girl’ traits?

• Constantly seeking validation from others, especially boys.
• Putting other girls down.
• Desperation for a relationship or just male attention.
• Dismissing other women’s experiences and opinions.

What is a ‘Pick Me’ boy?

In men, ‘Pick Me’ behaviour typically inverts the trend of seeking male validation. Instead, these men do everything they can to impress women, but usually with ill-intent. ‘Pick Me Boys’ are the modern-day fake feminist guy, ‘nice guys’ who typically love-bomb women, pretend to have the same interests only to emotionally manipulate them later on. They’ll put themselves down intentionally to seek validation from women, and fish for compliments by comparing themselves to other men.

But there’s a problem with the ‘pick me’ phrasing…

The sad thing is, the meaning of ‘Pick Me’ behaviour is becoming skewed on social media. What started off as an innocent and often funny trend that forces those who might be partial to ‘Pick Me’ behaviour’ has spiralled out of control.

Now, it’s primarily used as another stick to beat women with, with the term being thrown at anyone who shows an interest in male-dominated hobbies or dares to call themselves ‘weird’. While some have used the ‘Pick Me Girl’ trend to legitimately call out sexist behaviour displayed by other women, others have simply used it to escalate said sexism and harass women on the app. It’s become the insult of all insults, used against women for the slightest thing when actually, ‘Pick Me Girls’ in their fullest form rarely exist – at least after a certain age.

We might all know someone who’s partial to the occasional ‘Pick Me’ comment, but being a ‘Pick Me Girl’ is a phase of adolescence that many grow out of when they realise… men are really not worth all this. Certainly by your late 20s – particularly in the current dating landscape – it’s a common female experience to look back on all of the ways you sought male attention as a youngster and well… cringe.

Yes, there may still be ‘Pick Me Girls’ at 40, 50 and 60 even, but it’s wise to remember that there would be no ‘Pick Me Girls’ at all if it weren’t for the patriarchy in the first place – so perhaps we should be bashing the men that uphold it rather than the women falling victim to it, even if they are, admittedly, bloody annoying.